


Simple Things

by tjnstlouismo



Category: Starfighter (Comic)
Genre: Angst, Animal Death, Bacon, Bad Parenting, Blood., Domestic Violence, Drinking, Explicit Sexual Content, Grown men sobbing., M/M, Mention of extreme sexual violence., Mention of noncon, REALLY bad parenting., Rough Sex, Sadness, Sasha acting like a grown up., Sasha acting like a pig., Threats, Violence, Vomiting., extreme homophobic language, heterosexual implications, psychological abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-08
Updated: 2013-04-01
Packaged: 2017-11-20 14:42:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 40,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/586487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tjnstlouismo/pseuds/tjnstlouismo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the simple things that matter the most. </p>
<p>Everything belongs to Hamlet Machine with nods to EliseTales and ASocialConstruct.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

He didn't know why he had agreed to this. Ethan had caught him in a weak moment, looked up at him with those baby blue eyes, fluttered those long blond eyelashes with Sasha's hard cock in his mouth and had asked him if he would. It seemed like a good idea at the time but then anything getting Ethan back to business seemed like a good idea. At the time.

But now, as he perched on a stool in Ethan's mother's kitchen and watched the two of them pour over an old tattered cookbook, with Ethan's father on another stool as far down the island counter as he could possibly get and still be in the same room, he was rethinking the whole thing.

Two years had changed everything. Two years away from battle. Two years away from space. Two years on Earth. Two years of trying to live together and trying to live apart. Two years of persistent chipping away at Sasha’s frozen heart. Two years of letting Ethan in and then letting him stay. Two years behind them and now Ethan and Ethan’s mother held both Sasha and Ethan’s father hostage to their desire to create something the stuff of fairy tales where everyone lives happily ever after. Ethan’s father had decided it was in his best interest politically to be publicly supportive of his son’s coming out gay and his choice in a partner from the colonies. In the two years Sasha and Ethan’s father had come to an unsteady truce. Nevertheless, Sasha knew, like a snake in the grass, the old man was just biding his time.

He wasn’t sure why Ethan didn’t understand what the old man was doing. He tried to explain it to him once but when Ethan’s eyes filled with tears and he refused to believe that his father was lying to his face, Sasha threw his hands up and decided just to wait for the old man to show his true colors. Whatever he was getting out of his wife for playing nice must be worth it, Sasha thought, but Ethan’s gullibility scared him. Sasha wasn’t good at playing this game. He understood humiliation and neglect but he would never understand using your child’s emotions to further your power. Ethan’s father was using him, using them but Ethan was so happy that his father was suddenly going along, at least in public; he was like a beaten puppy still licking the hand that just smacked him across the room.

In private though, Ethan’s father just couldn’t contain himself, he reverted to abusive manipulations and down right viciousness. Ethan refused to believe his father hadn’t changed, he didn't want to believe it.  Sasha was constantly on guard whenever they with the old man; he would not let Ethan’s father hurt Ethan ever again if he could help it. He just wasn’t so sure he could help it.

Getting together as some sort of family was important to Ethan, Sasha knew that. Even though it made him uncomfortable and gave Ethan's father another reason to hate him; for Ethan he made the effort. This time was no different. The old man sat stiffly with his arms crossed in front of him, alternately sneering at Sasha and rolling his eyes at his wife and his son. His fucking gay son, Sasha mused. His fucking pansy ass faggot son who was only in his fancy kitchen with his  _partner_  at all because Ethan caught Sasha at a weak moment. At least there was the satisfaction of knowing that the whole idea of the two of them together made Ethan's father sick to his stomach. Sasha curled his upper lip at him. Ethan's father shook his head and got off his stool.

"I can't stand this shit. I'm going to go watch the game." He barked at anyone who would listen to him.

Ethan and his mother turned simultaneously towards him; Ethan's mother giving him a stern frown and shake of her head. "No dear! Now, you promised!" Ethan's father glared back at her then at Ethan, then at Sasha. Then he sat back down.

Sasha snorted and laughed. "She's got you fucking whipped, doesn't she?"

Ethan's father stood up again, red creeping up to his hairline, "Shut the fuck up you gypsy faggot piece of shit!"

"Dad!" Ethan hissed in the direction of his father then turned to Sasha, "Stop it, Sasha, you promised me! You aren't helping." Ethan gave him the _Look_ that promised a week of cold showers and making friend with his hand. Again. So he mouthed "Sorry, baby," at Ethan who then turned, raising his eyebrows at his father, who shrugged his shoulders and sat in resignation.

Ethan's mother smiled and gently touched Ethan's arm, "They'll be nice honey, let them be. Here it is the recipe I was telling you about." She pointed at a simple recipe in the ancient tattered book. "I had this when I was a very small girl, it's so good!"

Ethan peered where she was pointing and read the ingredients aloud. "There's not much to this really."

"Sometimes it's the simple things that are the very best." She smiled up at her son, still marveling that he had returned to her and was standing tall and strong in the kitchen, where, as a baby, he had pulled her pots and pans out of the cabinet and beat on them telling her that he was making music. " _Moozik, mama, lissen, sssshhhh!"_ She reached out, touched his face and he smiled brightly down at her just the same way he had when he was two, all sweet baby smiles at the wonderment of just being alive. She was so grateful, so very grateful that he was standing beside her in her kitchen, whole and happy. She smiled down the kitchen island counter at the young man who made her son so very happy and who had brought him back to her. Sasha looked away, uncomfortable with her gratitude.

"Can I at least have a fucking drink?" Ethan's father demanded petulantly.

Sasha got up; booze he understood. A mother's teary smile he didn't. "Yeah, can we at least have fucking drinks?" Sasha echoed Ethan's father, at least this was something they had in common. Ethan looked at his mother and his mother narrowed her eyes at her husband then looked back at Sasha.

"Ethan, what do you think?" she queried, not sure what the best answer would be.

"Come on baby, I think _Dad_ and I deserve some sort of reward." Sasha cajoled.

" _Don't fucking call me Dad!"_ Ethan's father barked out, glaring down the marble counter at Sasha, who glared back.

"He just called you a gypsy faggot, why does that deserve a reward?" Ethan crossed his arms facing them both, ignoring his father's grumbles.

"Well, princess, I _am a_ gypsy faggot, so it's not really an insult. Besides, we aren't any use to you and _Mom...”_ Sasha answered back to him, bemused now.

"AND DON'T FUCKING CALL HER MOM!"

The three of them looked at Ethan's father who was red faced and beginning to sweat.

"Dear, remember your blood pressure. Sasha can call me "Mom" if he wants, I think it's sweet." Ethan's mother generously smiled at Sasha, which caused him to flush with embarrassment. His only experience with mothers was his babushka who was harsh with him, resenting that he was alive and not her daughter, his mother. He didn't know what to do with a mother; it was way out of his league. At least he understood Ethan's father's hostility. He would want to kill the guy fucking his son too. _That,_ he understood.

"I think it's a good idea. It'll take mom and me a little while to do this anyway. Really all we need you for is to taste it. Why don't you two get to know each other better, go have a drink and watch the game or whatever." Ethan reasoned, smiling at his father then at Sasha. Sasha knew that smile. It was the, " _don't fuck this up because I'll cut off your dick while you sleep if you do"_ smile _._ He blew Ethan a kiss, stood and stretched, waiting for Ethan's father to lead the way.

"Whatever the fuck." Ethan's father complained as he got off the stool and stalked out the room, towards what Sasha knew to be the Senator's private office. A man's space furnished in leather and dark woods, hazy with old cigar smoke and plenty of fancy booze all wrapped up in expensive first cut paneling. Everything a rich man could want. Sasha wondered for a moment if Ethan's father ever got blown in there and then shook the thought out of his head. He didn't want to think of Ethan's mother down on her knees.

Ethan didn't favor his father, who was taller, fuller with a reddish tinge to his blond hair. When the man begrudgingly turned and handed Sasha a crystal tumbler full of amber liquid, Sasha saw in his jaw what he saw when Ethan hunkered down and wouldn't give up something. Gnawing the bone, Sasha called it. When Ethan set his mind to something, he became so determined that nothing could dissuade him. Stubborn, Ethan called himself. Pig-headed, Sasha called him. Especially when Ethan had made up his mind, that he wanted Sasha. Not just Sasha's cock but the whole of Sasha. Sasha snorted, he had no idea what the fuck that meant, but Ethan did. Something in Sasha clicked with Ethan. He was convinced with his pig headed determination that Sasha was a good person and the man he wanted to wake up next to every morning of the rest of his life. Sasha thought Ethan was delusional but he was willing to go along with it as long as it kept Ethan's ass in his bed.

"What the fuck is this?" Sasha sniffed suspiciously at the golden amber liquid swirling in the crystal glass Ethan's father had handed him.

"Nothing you can afford, faggot." Ethan's father had no reason to hide his distain at this point; the "women" were in the other room, out of earshot. Sasha wasn't interested in rising to the bait but tilted his glass towards Ethan's father and took a good hit. It was smooth, tasting expensive of oak and age.

"So...what pisses you off the most? That I'm a colonist gypsy or that your baby boy begs for my faggot cock on a nightly basis? "

Ethan's father snorted and considered Sasha for a moment then tilted his glass towards him in kind.

"Your pathetic faggot cock doesn't concern me at all; I've known Ethan was a fucking pansy since he could walk. I just had hoped he'd do better than fucking trash like you. Someone like more like us."

Sasha flushed hot then cocked his head towards the older man as he drained his glass. "That's some good shit." Sasha snarled as he slammed the crystal glass down just a little too hard on the marble top of the little bar. "This trash brought him back to you, fucker."

Ethan's father smirked at Sasha and poured another glass from the decanter. Sipping from his glass, he eyed Sasha from top to bottom then said nastily. "You are fucking full of yourself aren't you, _mudak_?" Sasha pricked up his ears hearing his own language from the mouth of Ethan's father. "What? Surprised? Shocked?" Ethan's father snorted and threw himself down in one of the oversized leather chairs. "Sit down, _huesos;_ you think I can't speak your filthy language? I've been dealing with _you_ _people_ for my entire fucking career."

Sasha knew he should have left then. He knew that he should have quietly put down the glass, gotten his jacket and walked out. That would have been the sane thing to do, but sanity was not something that Sasha was very familiar with. Watching your parents gunned down before you will do that to you. Growing up with not enough food, not enough warmth and not enough love will do that to you. Offering your mouth or your ass for a few cigarettes or a bit of warm food would do that do you. Being held down and rode hard by everyone bigger and meaner than you were would do that to you. It made you callous and it made you dangerous. Sasha considered how he could cut Ethan's father's heart out without disturbing Ethan or Ethan's mother baking in the other room.

"You really are a sanctimonious son of a bitch, aren't you?" He said instead, and threw back the rest of the heady amber fluid that burned his tongue then set his throat on fire as it trailed down into his stomach. It was damn good pain.

Ethan's father nodded his head and held his glass up to Sasha. "Yes, I am. Please do me the fucking honor of filling my fucking expensive Irish crystal with that really fine fucking expensive Irish whiskey."

Ethan's father waited while Sasha sized him up then took the glass from his outstretched hand, poured them both a sizable amount and handed the glass back to the older man now relaxed with his head back, cradled in the soft leather of the chair. Ethan's father didn't even open his eyes but let Sasha put the glass in his hand. He brought it up to his lips and drank deeply before waving Sasha into the chair next to him. Sasha watched the old man suspiciously but sat down sinking into comfort he had rarely felt in his life. It reminded him of the one time he was invited, no, ordered to Bering's apartment. He had sat in a chair similar to this for a short time while Bering got him wasted then passed him around to his friends. He was more familiar with how the leather arms felt as he grasped them for balance while one officer fucked his mouth and the other fucked his ass.

"His mother didn't think he'd make it back." Ethan's father was already drunk, talking with his eyes closed, sipping slowly now at the expensive whisky.

"Is that what you thought or did you even fucking care?" Sasha whispered already knowing the answer. More than once Ethan had cried himself to sleep in Sasha's lap or against his chest over how his father belittled him any chance he got and how worthless it made him feel. It wasn't until Ethan came back to Earth after the war that the obvious bullying stopped. For a brief while, Sasha thought it was because Ethan's father had found it in his heart to accept his son for what he was. When it became apparent to Sasha that Ethan’s father was simply using Ethan for political gain, Sasha became wary. Now Sasha wasn't so sure what the old man‘s game was, inviting him in and offering him expensive booze.

"What happened to your father? Did you even have one?" Ethan's father asked. Sasha surmised he was just a sadistic fucker, drunk or sober. He thought about it. He thought about Ethan and wondered how Ethan managed to be such a good man and have such a generous heart after being brought up by such an evil fucking bastard.

"Yeah, I fucking had one. He's dead." Sasha was grateful for Ethan's father’s silence as he brought the glass back up to his lips and sipped slowly now. He wished he could share this with Ethan. He wished he could lick this really fine booze off Ethan's lips; pool it onto his belly and lap it up from there.

"I knew that already. I have the full report on you. Your parents were troublemakers and were _accidentally_ gunned down in during a food riot. Damn shame that. You spent time with your mother's mother until she couldn't handle you anymore then you spent the rest of your time in foster homes and jail until you were given the chance to enlist." Ethan's father snorted loudly, and then coughed convulsively. Sasha waited, hoping Ethan‘s father would convulse himself to death right there in his fancy expensive leather chair.

" _The chance to enlist_ , fucking fancy way of saying, military or prison, your choice fucker." Ethan's father was almost giggling; Sasha realized the choking was laughing.

"So why ask then? If you already know all about me, then why fucking ask? I did what I had to, so the fuck what?" Sasha bristled, this guy was really beginning to piss him off; Sasha didn't understand his game. Ethan's father sat up straight, opened his eyes, and peered down his nose at Sasha, deadly serious now.

"So here's the deal, _Sasha,_ I already know I can't buy you off. I already know that as long as my Ethan is fucking thinking with his dick that he'll never give you up. So, what that means to me is that I’m stuck with your useless gypsy ass. I know my son, he's as stubborn as I am when he wants something; he wants it and he won't let go of it. He might be a pansy ass faggot but he's got steel balls," he took a deep drink and drained the glass. Flashing Sasha a conspiratorial grin, he lowered his voice, "But I imagine you know all about my son's balls, right, you faggot bl'yad? Oh yeah, I know about how you sucked cock and took it up the ass all through basic, I know every fucking thing about you."

Ethan's father waved his glass at Sasha, who hesitated, glancing at the doorway to the kitchen, then took it and set it down on the marble countertop of the little bar. He could only hear murmurs from the bright room and the smell of something sweet being baked. When he looked back,

Ethan's father was slack in his chair, head resting on the back, his eyes closed again. Sasha thought perhaps he was asleep until he heard the faint humming. Ethan's father hummed a song Sasha couldn’t quite hear.

He sat down on the opposite chair again and rested his head in his hands. For a few minutes, he sat quietly listening to the old man hum. Then he recognized the song, Ethan would hum it absent-mindedly when he puttered in the kitchen or folded the laundry. Something from his childhood he had said, when Sasha first asked about it.

He picked his head up hearing the door open and grinned as Ethan appeared in the doorway saying, "Hey you two, the cake is ready, it smells great. Come on in, mom and I need some honest opinions!" He smiled back at Sasha then followed Sasha's nod to his father sprawled out in the chair. "Oh no, did you get him drunk again, Sash?" Ethan wanted his father and Sasha to get along; he desperately wanted his father to accept Sasha. So desperate that he refused to accept the obvious loathing between the two.

Sasha gestured for Ethan to come into the room, putting his finger to his lips to silence him. Ethan came to him and sat where Sasha scooted over for him. Sasha wrapped his arms around him, nuzzled into Ethan's neck, mouthing the fine bones. "Your father fucking hates me."

Sasha laughed as he planted soft kisses along Ethan's shoulder. "No, he doesn't really, just when he gets drunk. Did he call you a whore again?" Ethan brought his hand up to Sasha's glossy black hair, brushed it back out his eyes. Ethan's father stirred but didn't open his eyes.

"Among other things, your father is one vicious drunk." Sasha sucked Ethan's fingers into his mouth sucking on them, then kissing each one.

Ethan relaxed against Sasha's chest, murmuring. "You know he doesn't mean it."

"Oh, he means it, princess." Sasha laughed it off hugging Ethan close to him.

"I want you to try this cake, it's an old family recipe and if you like it, I want to offer it at the shop." Ethan said as Sasha turned his face to his and ran his tongue across Ethan's lips, tenderly kissing him. He played with his tongue to widen Ethan's mouth then pulled Ethan closed for a deep kiss, holding his face until Ethan was making little delicate moans that sounded like purrs in Sasha's ears.

"Sure baby, should we leave him?"

Ethan leaned forward and gently shook his father's arm. "Dad, Dad, do you want some cake or do you want to sleep?"

Ethan's father opened one eye and smiled at his son, "I think I'll just take a little nap, Ethan, tell your mother to save me a piece."

Ethan stood up, bent over and kissed his father on the forehead. "Ok Dad, we're going to have a piece with mom, then we have to go, Sasha has work in the morning, early."

Ethan's father shot out his hand and grasped Ethan's forearm, nodded towards Sasha, "He's a good man, you take care of him now." Ethan smiled back at Sasha who shrugged his shoulders and then patted his father on the arm "Sure dad, I always do."

Ethan pulled Sasha towards the door. "You shouldn't let him drink like that, it just encourages him."

Sasha caught Ethan by the hand, pulled him back into a hug. "Your Dad doesn't mean anything by it; he's just a bastard when he drinks. I'm ok, you know I'm ok with it, baby." Ethan ran his fingers down Sasha's face, smiled prettily when Sasha caught them and bit gently.

"Boys, this cake isn't eating itself, come on in here! Lets see if it's any good!" Ethan's mother called from the kitchen.

"Baby, you know you make me happy don't you? You know how much you mean to me, how much I love you?" Sasha pleaded as he stared at Ethan's father’s sleeping form then down at Ethan.

Ethan looked up at Sasha, puzzled for a moment then raised his face to Sasha’s lips to be kissed. "I like making you happy, when we get home, I'll make you even happier."

Sasha swatted him on the ass and pushed him towards the door. "Go on princess, I'll be right there, I'm going to put your Dad's booze up." Ethan glanced back at his sleeping father then walked on into the kitchen. Sasha turned back to the little bar, put the stopper in the carafe and rinsed out the two crystal glasses.

"Thank you for not letting him know the truth, you fucking bastard." He said quietly feeling Ethan's father's eyes bore a hole into his back, his hatred palatable in the dim light.

"I'm still hoping at some point you have a fucking conscious and walk the fuck out of my son's life."

Sasha turned and considered the old man’s eyes, now open, distain blatant across his face. "You hurt him again old man, I'll fucking gut you. If you paid any attention to those reports, you know I _fuckin'_ can and I _fuckin'_ will." Sasha turned to leave the room.

"By the way, _Sasha,_ does he know? Let’s not pretend that you don't know what I'm talking about; does my son know about your little _girlfriend_?" Sasha froze in the doorway, behind him the darkness of the paneled den, in front of him, the light of the welcoming kitchen, and Ethan.

　

　

　


	2. Simple Things.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nods to my fellow authors, Elisetales, ASocialConstruct, A2MOM

It was a small dismal apartment for a small dismal life. A sink, cook top and tiny refrigerator at one end of a room that served as both living room and bedroom if the couch was pulled out. A functional bathroom with a shower, toilet and small sink to the side but otherwise he lived quietly in one room, the best he could afford. He had put up heavy curtains to block the daylight while he slept but left the grey wallpaper, faded with age. He had been able to find employment on Earth only because the government paid part of his salary since the factory he worked at hired colony vets. With his small Alliance stipend to supplement his minimum wage job, he could make do. For two years, he made do.

Aleks was used to making do, it’s all he knew. He had lived a spartan childhood, raised by his father in the colonies after his mother died of cancer found too late to treat. His father worked two jobs to pay off the debt incurred in her final days and worked himself into illness while Aleks grew into a pensive silent young man.

Aleks had never known a time when he was not lonely; now was no different. Even though he had served the Alliance and come back a hero now that the war was over, he was forgotten. He went to his job in late afternoon every day he was scheduled, worked until the wee hours of the morning then came back to his little apartment to sleep until it was time to leave again. On his day off he cleaned, did his meager laundry, shopped for what food he could afford and called his ailing father back home. His life was simple, he was tidy and he kept to himself. Only once had he brought home a tall black haired colony boy from the local bar. Sometime in the middle of things he called the boy by Sasha's name and the boy left, never to come back. He hadn't meant to do that, but it had been so long. So very long.

He tried not to think about Sasha, but early in the morning when he returned home from another back breaking shift at the factory, Sasha would creep into his thoughts. He would lie back on the couch he never bothered to pull out, run his hands over his nipples, digging his fingernails into them until his cock was hard and leaking. He pretended they were Sasha‘s fingers, he pretended Sasha was watching him squirm. He would plead for the imaginary Sasha to stop but of course he wouldn't, so then Aleks dug in harder with his nails until his cock filled just from the sheer pain of it. As Aleks would jerk himself he remembered the feel of Sasha's rough hands on him and slowly worked out his orgasm. He remembered how it felt when Sasha studied his face intently as he dug his nails into the soft tissue of Aleks bleeding nipples; Aleks nearly weeping in his need. Sasha would then bury his own hard cock deep into Aleks without letting go of his nipples. Aleks would force himself as far back onto Sasha's cock as he could, hoping the pain of being fucked raw would take away from the fire in his nipples. When he came hard, laying on the lumpy couch in the chilled room, spilling over into his hands, he remembered how Sasha would remove his fingers from his nipples to grasp his small hips and impale Aleks to the hilt, fucking himself with Aleks body. Aleks would scream himself hoarse. He knew he still had scars on his back where Sasha had chewed into him as he came hard in Aleks. When Sasha was done with him, Sasha would lay back and ignore him, dragging on a cigarette that he would only offer to Aleks at the end.

It was Sasha who took his virginity in the back room at the convent school they both attended until Sasha was kicked out. It was Sasha who stayed with him while his father was at work, sneaking out the window in the early morning before he was found out. Aleks’s father didn't approve but Aleks loved Sasha. Aleks loved what Sasha did to him. Aleks loved what Sasha made him into. When Sasha had to choose between the Alliance or prison, Aleks enlisted not being able to bear the idea of Sasha being so far away from him. Sasha protected him though Basic then on the station they had each been assigned to. When Sasha’s navigator, Abel had volunteered them for what became the last real battle, Aleks volunteered as well. When they transferred to the Sleipnir, he became Sasha's eyes and ears. He did what he could to protect Sasha, he even protected Abel, but Sasha never knew. After the final battle, now hero's and returned to their station, Sasha didn't come to him as often. It wasn't too long before they were separated for the rest of their tour of duty till the end of the war.

That last day aboard their station not too long after returning from the Sleipnir, Sasha, his task name Cain, had backed him up against the wall with one hand around his throat, the other wrapped around his cock. Sasha’s fingers compressed Aleks trachea. Aleks kept his hands down at his side as he had been taught by Sasha, touching the wall behind him, hoping that this time Sasha would squeeze the life out of him. They were being reassigned, the Reliant team, Cain and his blond navigator girlfriend, Abel. Aleks, then task name Deimos, was being left behind. Cain was growling next to his ear, pulling at Aleks cock. "I don't have time to fuck you, slut, this will fucking have to do. I don't want you to forget who owns you, you fucking whore. You damn well better keep it to yourself until I come back for you. You _fucking_ understand me, bitch?" Aleks came hard then, in Cain’s hand, tears rolling down his cheeks as Cain forced his fingers into Aleks’s mouth to clean them. The fingers around his throat released to wipe the wetness from his cheeks. "Stop crying." Sasha had whispered. Aleks chewed his lips and shook his head obediently, not able to look Sasha in the face. Then he was gone.

When the war came to an end and they had been discharged he immigrated to Earth to wait for Sasha. After two years alone it became apparent that Sasha was gone. Aleks was beside himself, feeling as if a part of him had gone missing. Every day was the same, he woke in pain, and he moved through his existence in pain and fell asleep in pain, his hand on his cooling cock.

Sasha was not coming back for him. He knew that now.

It had been a small announcement in the society news. Aleks would have missed it if he hadn't looked up when he heard Sasha's name on the monitor at work that continuously played the news. Their engagement stirred a little controversy for Ethan's conservative Senator father but like a true politician, Ethan's father had rolled with the punches and spun it in his favor, embracing diversity like it had been his idea. Aleks thought Ethan's father looked cold hearted, and wondered how damaged Ethan really was. Aleks’s father had not been cold to him, just absent. Aleks knew his old man loved him; he wasn‘t so sure Ethan‘s father felt the same about his son.

Sasha had done well for himself. Aleks was resigned that there was nothing that he could ever offer that would bring Sasha back to him. That was the night he brought back the colony boy from the gay bar he drank in. The night he tried to get the boy to hurt him then when he couldn't Aleks just let him fuck him until Aleks whispered Sasha's name by mistake. The boy froze, removed himself from Aleks, dressed and walked out. Aleks never tried it again. Sasha had ruined him, still controlled him and he was at a loss as to how to change that. When he saw the announcement, he had to beg to be left off the assembly line, lying that he was going to be sick. They docked him the 15mins it took to weep hiding in the men’s room behind a stall, flushing the toilet over and over again so no one would hear him.

Aleks pulled himself through his miserable days, losing weight when he stopped eating for a while. When he started panting just walking up the three stairways to his apartment, he forced himself to eat. He watched the monitor screen at work for any word; any mention of the wedding. He stopped by the library to use the terminals in the library to scan for a piece of news related to Sasha and Ethan but months went by with nothing.

Then one night, there was a man standing outside his apartment door when he came home from work in the early morning hours. Aleks fingered the little blade he kept on him at all times. If this was a mugger then he was being openly flagrant about it, leaning against the wall next to Aleks apartment door, patiently smoking one cigarette after another, throwing the butts on the floor. Aleks silently watched him from a distance, hiding just below the stair landing. Finally the man threw the butt of his last cigarette onto the floor where he had piled the others and looked at his watch. Aleks slid his knife into his sleeve and walked up the final half a stairway to his floor. This was no mugger; Aleks assessed looking at him as he got closer. The stocky man, well dressed in an expensive suit, chain smoking outside his apartment in the middle of the night was not an obvious criminal. He wanted something and Aleks wanted to know what it was.

The man looked up when Aleks reached the top of the stairs, and nodded his head at him.

"Aleks Ruzinsky?" the man questioned him.

Aleks looked him up and down then asked softly, "What do you want?"

The man smiled and drew out a small tablet with the image of a smiling couple, holding hands. It was the engagement announcement. Sasha looked dangerously sexy which was probably why Ethan had chosen it to use as their engagement photo. Aleks wasn't surprised Sasha looked the same as he always had but Ethan looked different. He looked... _happy_. Aleks bit his lip feeling his cock surge. Not here, not now.

The man held the tablet out to him and he took it from him, careful to not mar the screen with his dirty hands. "You know this man?" the man asked and pointed his finger at Sasha's.

Aleks, wary now, caged his answer, "Why do you want to know?"

The man chuckled then took the tablet out of Aleks hands. Aleks suddenly was sick to his stomach, something about this man reminded him of the past, when the colony police had burst into the classroom at school to rip Sasha from his desk then pushed him roughly out the door, down the front steps of the school and into a waiting car. It had been weeks before he saw Sasha again; when he did come home he was bruised, his mouth torn. He wouldn't let Aleks touch him for days. The man putting Sasha's photo in his coat pocket felt just as sinister, suddenly Aleks was afraid for Sasha. 

He pushed past the man but as he did, the man reached out putting his hand on Aleks's shoulder to stop him. "I want to talk to you about Sasha."

Aleks shrugged him off, whirled around, knife now in his hand. "I don't know him; get the _fuck_ away from me." Aleks growled at him swinging his knife in an arc near the man's face.

The man moved back out of the range of Aleks knife, grinning. "I don't think you want to cut me. I have a message for you. I think you'll want to hear it." He sized Aleks up for a few minutes then shrugged when Aleks didn't move and started walking towards the stairway.

Aleks was suddenly very hot, his stomach hurt and his gut rumbled as the man stepped down on the first step. He wiped at his mouth, afraid to say anything, afraid not to.

"Wait."

　


	3. Chapter 3

Sasha was quiet as Ethan straddled him moaning and hitching his breath every so often as Sasha pumped slowly into him. Sasha's hands were on his hips, holding him tight against him, occasionally pulling him down to kiss him gently. Their bedroom was lit only from the moonlight coming through the sheers at the windows, throwing their shadows against the wall above their bed.

Ethan looked down at Sasha's face to find his eyes closed as Sasha rhythmically fucked him. "Sasha, hey, are you ok?" Ethan whispered leaning forward, close to Sasha's ear.

Sasha slowly opened his eyes and smiled at Ethan, "Yeah princess, I'm good, you feel really fucking good."

Ethan pressed his tongue deep into Sasha’s mouth, ground down on Sasha's cock making him grasp Ethan’s hips tighter. Sasha thrust deep several times until he spilled over into his orgasm. He reached down between them to grasp Ethan‘s hard cock and raked his nails gently over the head as he firmly pumped it. Sasha whispered, “Cum for me princess,“ kissed him back just as deep and Ethan came hard, spurting on Sasha’s stomach, crying out then quieting. Only their panting broke the silence of their bedroom as they relaxed across each other, soft and warm in their low massive bed.

Breaking the silence, Ethan whispered near his ear where he was laying, “Did Dad wear you out, Sash? You seem distracted. Is there anything wrong, anything I can help with? "

Sasha turned his head to look into Ethan's face, his forehead furrowed with concern. Sasha kissed it, murmuring, “You just did, baby. I’m just tired, ready to sleep now.”

Ethan rolled off of him, grabbed some tissues from the box on the table by the bed, and wiped his cum from Sasha’s taunt stomach, then from himself. Snuggling back down into the crook of Sasha's arm, he threw his arm around Sasha's waist, sighing contently. Sasha reached down and pulled the thick comforter over both of them.

"Sweet dreams." Abel whispered as Sasha pulled him tight to him, whispering back. "Sleep tight baby."

Sasha stared at the ceiling until he heard Ethan's gentle snoring then scooted him over, adjusting the comforter back over him so he wouldn’t get cold. “Still too skinny.” he thought to himself. Then he eased himself out of the bed. Quietly he closed the bedroom door behind him. Tiptoeing through the living room he tried to not step on the squeaky spot in their hardwood floor. He was trying to not make a lot of noise that would wake Ethan up, so he carefully opened the door and let himself into their office at the far end of the living room.

He sat down at his desk after moving a stack of paper off the chair. He glanced at Ethan's desk where everything was in its place, clean and neatly organized. Sasha grunted, wiped the dust and something sticky he didn’t want to think about off his monitor screen and turned it on. Ethan had tried to get him to upgrade but all he used it for was to write nasty emails to the VA and look at internet porn so why bother? When he finally got online he found the search engine that someone at work had suggested once when he complained about not being able to find other vets. It took several minutes of humming, clicking, and waiting for the hourglass to stop before, finally, his name came up. Aleks Ruzinski and the last known address. Not exactly in the worse part of town but pretty damn close. Sasha stared at the screen letting his mind drift back to earlier times. He wished they were happier times but the fact was they weren't. His happy times started when Abel was assigned to him, before that was just survival. Aleks was part of that survival, his myshonok was part of something he had thought he had left behind, the real Sasha. Not the Sasha that Ethan loved and wanted to marry. Sasha, suddenly feeling the lateness of the hour, rubbed at his tired eyes. Shit, he thought, this is so fucked up.

He stared at the address on the screen for a long while then scribbled the address down on a piece of paper. Turning off the computer then the light, he crossed back through the living room stopping by the front coat closet. He opened it quietly as he could but when the door hinge squealed; he panicked for a moment, stopped and listened for Ethan. He really didn’t want to wake Ethan and have to explain what he was doing. When all remained quiet he slipped the little piece of paper into his jacket pocket then closed the door. "What the holy fuck am I doing?" he swore to himself, then crossed back to the bedroom door to let himself in. Ethan lay sprawled across the middle of the bed. As he eased himself back onto the mattress he had to gently nudge Ethan to the side. "Fucking bed hog," he murmured, kissed Ethan's temple and pulled him tight to him. Sleep finally came, his dreams restless and bleak.

The next day Sasha found the address across town easily enough. Not the worst of the slums but a typically run down neighborhood that colony immigrants called home. Old, neglected houses and apartment buildings, rented out to people who would never have the resources to maintain them let alone improve them. Faded paint, crumbling brick, dirt where there once was grass. Many with boarded up windows missing panes of glass. Too many were packed with cardboard or pieces of plastic to keep the cold and damp out best it could. The street reeked of piss, trash and what Sasha assumed was shit. A couple of skinny stray dogs stood down the block eyeing him to see if he dropped any food. Or if he was food, he thought. It made him sick that Aleks lived here. What made it worse was that even this reeking slum was far better than what either of them had grown up in.

He stood across the street from the apartment building, smoking the cigarettes he had promised Ethan he would give up, lighting the next one off the butt of the one he just finished smoking. He waited until the sun was going down but never saw anyone who looked like Aleks coming or going. He dropped the last cigarette onto the little pile of butts he had made and checked his watch in the fading light. Ethan would be at home now, waiting for him, wondering why he was so late, fretting over dinner. He wouldn't call; they had agreed that unless it was an emergency Ethan would not keep track of him. It made Sasha feel smothered; like Ethan didn't trust him, to have to report in. After many loud arguments involving slamming doors, tears and a great deal of cursing in Sasha's colony dialect, they reached a compromise. Ethan wouldn't call, Sasha would. Sasha zipped up his jacket; it was cooling off as the sun went down. He took another long look at the building then started walking away from it to the next block where he had left his car. The car alarm hadn't gone off on his phone so he hoped it was still there with most of its parts. He keyed in the security code when he reached it, slid behind the wheel and turned it on. It purred. Sasha was embarrassed how much he loved this sleek black car. Ethan had insisted on getting it for him for his birthday, downplaying its expense by telling him it was used. Last year’s model and used were two very different things but Sasha let him do it because it made Ethan happy. Life now was all about making Ethan happy.

Sasha turned on the heat and pulled out his phone. Ethan picked up on the second ring as if he hadn't been sitting right on top of it. Sasha could hear the tension in his voice so he tried to be upbeat. "Baby I'm so sorry, I lost track of time and I'm running late. Just wanted to let you know."

Ethan paused as if he was trying to figure out some hidden message in Sasha's voice then answered, "I'm glad you called, just hurry home. Dinner's ready, Sash."

"Sorry baby, ten minutes away," Sasha lied. "See you soon princess." It would be 30 but he would stop along the way to buy some flowers. Hopefully by the time Ethan's mouth was filled with Sasha's cock later on, Ethan would forget he was ever pissed off.

Ethan was tense when Sasha finally got home and turned his cheek away when Sasha tried to kiss him. He accepted the flowers while chewing his bottom lip, staring at the floor. Then he covered his face with the blossoms to hide the redness in his cheeks as he swallowed back tears. Sasha took them out of his hands set them down on the marble counter and pulled Ethan to his chest, kissing the top of his head.

"I am so sorry baby, I'm a fucking moron." Sasha nuzzled Ethan's ear, until Ethan drew in his breath sharply and relaxed in his arms.

"No, I'm the moron. You keep telling me to not smother you but I get nervous and worried when you are late...it’s just stupid of me," Ethan's voice was quivering, "I worry about someone hurting you, someone attacking you. It’s childish, I'm sorry." He put his arms around Sasha who hugged him tight.

Sasha's gut tightened with guilt. Ethan was apologizing and Sasha was letting him do it. Sasha clutched him tightly for a moment then pushed him away, first kissing his forehead. "Go put those in water, I'll reheat dinner. Do you want wine?" Ethan stood back for a second then smiled in relief. He nodded his head “yes” then went into the pantry find a vase. Sasha swallowed nervously while he watched him enter the little room next to the kitchen then opened the wine cooler and grabbed a bottle of Himmelswein, a sweet white wine that Ethan ordered from a Midwestern winery by the case. What Sasha needed was something stronger, something to burn out the guilt in his gut but instead he had the chilled bottle opened and poured before Ethan came out of the pantry with the vase.

When they were done with dinner and Sasha had dried the dishes Ethan washed, Ethan excused himself to the office to check his work email. He had a big promotion in the works; Sasha knew it was stressing him so he left him alone. A hot shower sounded like a good distraction. Maybe he could wash the grime of his guilt off.

Standing in the shower, he washed his ebony hair then rinsed the shampoo out. The pulse of the multiple shower heads massaged the tight muscles across his neck and shoulders. His thoughts drifted back to Aleks and the last time he had seen him. The Reliant been had reassigned for the duration of the war. For the first time that he could remember, he was leaving Aleks behind.

 

He and Abel were running through their flight check when he noticed Aleks, then Deimos, standing to the side of the bay; his face was ashen, his eyes big as saucers and glistening with tears. Sasha could see him shaking from across the deck. He panicked, not knowing how to make it better; sure anything he did would make it worse. He lied to Abel, saying he forgot something and he'd be back in 15. Abel had started to bitch but quieted when Sasha growled at him and told him to fucking knock it off. He stalked down the deck, out the hangar door and grabbed Aleks forcibly by the wrists. He had pulled him into the one of the small storage closets that flanked the long hallways to the flight deck. He gave Aleks the only thing he knew to give him and grabbed him by the throat and cock. Aleks had responded, as Sasha knew he would; cock instantly hard enough to roll Aleks eyes back in his head for a few seconds while he fought to catch his breath. He might have promised Aleks he would come back for him. At the time he thought he would. There was no way that he could have known that Ethan was not going to let him go. There was no way that he could have known that he would not want Ethan to let him go. So in the end he left Aleks to fend for himself. Sasha had assumed, no, hoped that Aleks had returned back home to his father to go on his life.

 

But Aleks hadn't. As Sasha sighed deeply and turned off the cooling water, he realized he should have told Aleks to go back. Instead Aleks did what Sasha told him to do. He should have known Aleks would do what he was told. Aleks wanted to do what he was told as long as it was Sasha doing the telling. It had been two years that Aleks had been waiting for him, Sasha was pretty sure Aleks would wait forever.

He was asleep, exhausted, when Ethan crawled into bed trying not to wake him. Sasha stirred as Ethan wrapped himself around him murmuring, "I love you..."

Sasha turned to his side, drew Ethan into his arms then pulled the comforter over their shoulders. He put his lips on the tip of Ethan's nose to warm it, whispering in the darkness, "Tch, baby you're freezing."

Ethan settled into him and whispered back, "Sorry, I didn't mean to be so long." For several minutes, Ethan was quiet but Sasha could tell from his breathing that he was not asleep. Sasha was drifting off when Ethan spoke quietly, "Sash, are you ready to talk about _when_?"

Dread jostled him back awake. He knew what this was about but he just feigned sleep.

"I got an email asking if we had made a decision yet, if we knew when we wanted to get...to do it. I don't mean to push you but are you ready to talk about it yet?" Ethan was speaking a little louder, hesitating because this subject had caused fights in the past. Ethan didn't want another argument in the middle of a cold night, when he was still feeling bad about how he handled things earlier. He was relieved when Sasha pulled him into a deep kiss, at least sex would distract them. Sasha didn't go any further though, just pulled him to his chest holding him there, rubbing small circles across his shoulders and down his spine.

"Princess, you need to tell your mother that we'll set a date when we are ready." Ethan sighed and burrowed his head into Sasha's chest. "It wasn't from mom..."

Sasha stiffened; dread flowing through him. All of a sudden he was very hot.

Ethan went on, not noticing Sasha had stopped rubbing his back, "...it was from dad. He suggested setting a date for spring. He thinks the Right to Marriage amendment will pass the final hurdles then. Once it's signed into law, he was thinking we could celebrate by doing it then." Ethan paused and finally noticed Sasha lying still beside him. Sasha sucked in his breath sharply. Ethan assumed that whatever had been causing Sasha's cold feet to begin with was still not worked out. "It's ok, we don't have to talk about it now, let's go to sleep." He attempted to soothe Sasha, gently putting his lips to Sasha's chest, leaving small kisses but Sasha's breathing remained shallow.

Sasha had still not relaxed when he whispered, "Your father...?"

　


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything belongs to Hamlet Machine.

For three weeks, Aleks moved through his life like nothing had changed. The only difference being that not once did he touch his cock while falling into exhausted dreams after his long shifts at work. Touching his cock meant thinking about Sasha and thinking about Sasha meant having to deal with his increasing rage about being abandoned.

Abandoned. The slick man in the expensive suit used that word when he sat at Aleks little table and drank the coffee that Aleks offered to him three weeks earlier as he listened to the message the man had for him. The _invitation_ the man had for him. There was something that let loose inside of him when the man had given him a sympathetic frown that unlocked the emotions he had kept so carefully at bay for the last two years and now he couldn't get them back where they belonged. There was a little locked box inside his heart that he had to keep Sasha in if he was not going to throw a rope over one of the ancient rafters in the dank basement of his building and kick the stool out from under him.

Abandoned, the man had said, teasing at Aleks’s anger that sparked out from his grey eyes as he sat at his little table in his grey apartment and listened to his future. Sasha wasn't coming back for him. Sasha had found someone to love who wasn't damaged goods, who wasn't a reminder of home, and who didn't need Sasha to give him some sort of value. Aleks poured the man a second cup of coffee watching his mouth move spinning the sad story of Aleks’s pathetic life. Aleks fingered the knife in his sleeve; he wanted to cut the man's tongue out. Anything to stop him. It was everything he could do to not crumble into a thousand broken pieces right in his dreary excuse for a kitchen. He was distracted for a moment as he imagined Sasha and the golden haired Ethan standing in their big warm kitchen with shiny appliances; smooth marble surfaces, and the laughter of two people in love. He had to shake the image of Sasha fucking Ethan up against hard wood custom made cabinets to pay attention to what the man was saying.

"So what do you think? My employer would very much appreciate an opportunity to speak with you and see if this great wrong can be righted. It's not fair that you have been...abandoned, is it? Yes, I think that must be it. I mean aren’t you just being thrown away like something he used? I mean unless that's _good_ enough for you and your father."

Aleks pulled his attention back to the man and fingered the tip of his knife at the mention of his father. What did this stranger know about his father?

Aleks drifted away again, remembering just when Sasha made himself at home in Aleks life.

Aleks met Sasha walking home from school on a bleak grey afternoon. He first noticed the boy because the weather had turned and the boy walking half a block in front of him did not have a jacket. He had wrapped his long arms around his chest with his hands under his armpits and had hunkered down against the biting wind that had kicked up sometime in the afternoon before school let out. Aleks knew him from the little convent school he attended. There wasn't much opportunity of improving one's ability to survive the colony harshness but Aleks’ father had decided that the convent school could give him at least a chance at trade school. Aleks’ father had looked at his bright and eager to learn child, deciding there was already so much unfairness in his life that he would do what he could to make it right. He had told Aleks he was working two jobs to pay his mother’s last medical bills but that was not true. He worked them to give Aleks a future. By the time Aleks was four, his father knew he was different, he knew that he would need to be protected in a place that ate people from the inside out leaving them to die quickly of drugs or booze or a knife to the gut. Aleks was a quiet obedient child and his father loved him with all his heart. He wanted more for his son than what he had been given.

It was an early Saturday morning that he let himself into their little apartment with a bag of Aleks’s favorite chocolate pastries that he had saved his change all week for and splurged on his way back home from the third shift. It was quiet and still dark in the apartment, he assumed Aleks was sleeping so he quietly put on coffee and put the pastries on a little plate on the table. While it brewed he sat, weary from the 16hrs he just worked, and smiled when he saw Aleks's schoolwork on the table laid out for him neatly. Good grades, he said to himself, proud that Aleks worked hard to please him. He raised his eyes in silent prayer to Aleks’s mother, "Our baby is a good boy, sweetheart."

When he heard the toilet flush he poured two cups of coffee and set them on the table with the plate of treats between them. He didn't turn at the swish of movement behind him but said "Morning, son, I brought you a treat." When the smell of old tobacco smoke hit his nose, he turned to admonish Aleks and laid eyes on the skinny, tall, shaggy haired boy instead. "Who are you?" he asked. The boy froze in a defensive position, his eyes big like he was just waiting to be hit. Aleks’s father watched him for a moment then gestured to the chair across from him, "Sit down, coffees hot." The boy hesitated then noticed the plate of sweets and moved to sit down.

Aleks’s father studied the boy who was watching him warily while not actually looking away from the plate of pastries. "What is your name?" he asked again.

"Can I have one of those?" the boy asked quietly, eyes glued to the plate, salivating.

"Tell me your name first." He already knew all about this boy. Neglected, probably abused, never warm and always hungry. That's childhood in the colonies. It had been so for him and it was why he was working himself into an early grave for his son to avoid. He knew this boy; it was himself twenty years earlier. The boy looked up at him with cold fury in his eyes and calculated his answer.  Aleks’s father held his ground; you couldn't back down from them, and you couldn't reason with them, you just had to be stronger and meaner than they were.

"Sasha," the boy reached across the table grabbed a pastry as Aleks’s father shot out his hand and grabbed Sasha's wrist tightly. The boy didn't struggle but met his eyes with a knowing smirk. "Do I have to blow you for it?" he asked softly.

Aleks’s father took it in stride; he knew what some kids had to do to survive. He shook his head then calmly said, "Where do you know my Aleks from?"

Sasha assessed the big man holding his wrist tight enough to snap it. "School, we go to the same school." Aleks’s father released him and nodded at him. The pastry disappeared into Sasha's mouth; he closed his eyes as he swallowed it almost whole. Snapping them open he eyed the plate again. "What do I have to do for another?" he muttered never moving his eyes.

"Ask politely," Aleks’s father said steadily. Sasha raised his eyes to him, seething now. So quick to anger, this one, Aleks’s father thought with foreboding.

"Can I have another one?" Sasha spit out.

"Please," Aleks’s father demanded quietly, he wasn’t afraid of Sasha’s bravado. As ragged and skinny as Sasha looked, it was all just mouthy attitude.

Sasha curled up his lip, practically hissing. "Please." He nodded and the other pastry disappeared as fast as the first.

Aleks found them sitting across from each other, silent and glaring. His father told him, when Sasha finally left, to stay away from him. Aleks was confused, his father was not a hard man but he was adamant about Sasha and he refused to say why.

For the first time in his life his father raised his voice in anger, “Because I am your father. I am telling you to stay away from that boy and I expect you to obey me.” Later before he left for work, his father came into his room where Aleks had hidden, crying off and on most of the day. Aleks remembered his father sighing sadly and rubbing his back; apologizing. “I am sorry son that I raised my voice to you, but I need you to understand I want you to have nothing to do with that boy. He’s trouble, for himself and for you. Please listen to me. Stay away from him, Aleks.”

Aleks sat up, wrapped his arms around his father's middle and whispered the first lie, "Yes, papa."

Aleks remembered it wasn’t fifteen minutes after his father left for his work that there was a knock at his door. He opened it and invited Sasha in.

The man tapped the table in front of Aleks, startling him to the present once again. “Mr. Ruzinsky, your father is very ill isn’t he?”

"My father?" he whispered back. "What about my father?" The man smiled broadly knowing that he had just captured his prey. He pushed his chair away from the table and stood up, slipping his jacket back on. Aleks never moved.

"My employer is open to speaking with you at anytime, here is my card. When you are ready to talk, simply call." When Aleks didn't take the card, the man snorted and dropped it on the table. "I'll let myself out Mr. Ruzinsky; I imagine you have a lot to consider." Then he was gone, closing the door after himself.

Aleks sat at the table until the coffee was cold and daylight filled the apartment. He sat at the table until the shock wore off. He couldn't stop the tears that were filling his eyes from dripping on the table before him. He sat at the table until everything fell out of him, dripped on the table and bitterness took over his heart. Once he embraced the bitterness; seeping like black ooze throughout his body, he knew what he was going to have to do. After all, Sasha had abandoned him as if he was something to throw away. Maybe he needed to hear what the smarthy man's employer had to say. Maybe Sasha would have to make right on his promise. He had told Aleks to wait for him. Aleks had obeyed. Maybe it was time that Sasha took responsibility for that.

It was well into the afternoon before Aleks found the strength to push himself back from the table. When he stood, he realized that he was going to be sick, and rushed to the little toilet to not make a mess on his apartment floor. There was nothing but coffee and black bitterness to come up but he heaved until he thought his stomach would burst. When the spasms finally abated, he slid to the old tiled floor, pulled his phone from his pocket, and called in sick to work for the first time in two years. Then he called his father needing to hear the feeble voice on the other end tell him he was fine, to not worry, and that he loved him.

He laid his head down on the cool tiles until his weeping stopped. While his heart was breaking, Sasha stood down the block, chain smoking; waiting on the sidewalk across his apartment building. Waiting for Aleks.

He crawled onto his couch after that, and fell fitfully to sleep dreaming of big black dogs chasing him, hunting him down. He stayed there until the next day, emotionally drained, black bitterness filling him up and spilling over into his nightmares. By the next day, he knew what he would do, but he waited to give Sasha more time, to give him a little more time to make good on his promise. He waited for three weeks before he called the number on the card. When the man in the suit answered before the first ring ended, Aleks told him that he would listen. The man said he would inform his employer and get back to Aleks on when and where.

His pay would be docked for missing the day of work; if he called in again he would be fired. Plenty of vets needed his job he was told, he could be replaced in a heartbeat. He was berated by the supervisor, sitting behind his plain desk, in his tiny office. If he didn't have employment he would be shipped back to the colonies before he could get his head out of his ass. Aleks fingered his knife as the blond haired, pasty face supervisor made his point; compounding Aleks’s feelings of worthlessness. The war was over, he was just another fucking lazy gypsy colonist who thought his shit didn't stink, the foreman droned on getting red faced as he held Aleks captive in his tiny office. “Tiny office, tiny cock,” Aleks thought.

When he realized the man had stopped sputtering and was staring at him waiting for a response, Aleks meekly nodded his head saying, "I'm very sorry Sir, it won't happen again. Thank you for giving me another chance." The supervisor blew out his lips in disgust and waved him out of the office. Aleks slid his hand away from his knife; it was just too much of a temptation to gut the pompous son of a bitch.

He worked his shift, drug himself home dead tired, his head pounding from a headache he just couldn't seem to get rid of. He unlocked his dim apartment and as switched on the overhead light his phone buzzed, startling him. Glancing at the screen a date and time flashed across it, ending with a question mark. His day off. Unnerved, Aleks didn’t respond right away. Finally, he texted, "Yes. Where?" Immediately, his phone buzzed again with another message. "A car will be there for you thirty minutes before."

Alex turned off his phone, the overhead light and laid himself down on his couch. He wanted to touch himself. All he thought about now was Sasha. Every waking moment all he could think about was Sasha. But he didn’t think he could stand to remember the feel of Sasha when he came, so he turned and pulled the thin blanket over him. Thankfully, sleep came fast and easy. He didn't dream.

　


	5. Chapter 5

The first six months after Cain was discharged from the Alliance were a bitter memory. It was as if he had lost his footing and couldn’t find where he belonged any longer. He followed Abel to Earth seduced by his soft pale ass and the promise of something better. He should have known better.

At the end of the war, the Reliant was decommissioned and he, along with most of the fighters, was discharged. The healthy one's either returned home to the colonies or found their way to Earth just as he had, following blond tail. Every day of the first six months, he regretted listening to his cock and to Ethan and every day of the first six months, he swore he was going home. Only he knew better. There was no home for him on the colonies.

Like many colony vets, Sasha couldn't find work on Earth. To please Ethan he signed up on every employment list he could and registered with the AVA (Alliance Veterans Administration). He looked for work everywhere he went, asking at neighborhood bars and businesses. For six months, there was nothing but frustration. Sasha finally gave up, drinking and smoking his days away in one seedy bar frequented by colony vets after another. He was desperate to do something, anything, so that he didn't feel like he was Ethan's kept bitch. Nevertheless, week after week, nothing came his way. Sasha felt useless, Ethan‘s father never missed a chance to make him feel like a burden.

On Earth Ethan continued his enlistment and transferred to a special project headed by Lt. Keeler, whom Abel had served under aboard the Sleipnir. Keeler was the center of some of their worst fights; Sasha drunkenly accusing Ethan of whoring around after Keeler, Ethan protesting in tears, Sasha screaming threats, Ethan begging him to quiet down, Sasha knocking him down.

It only happened once, an accident. However, for a brief moment Ethan's eyes flew open wide with accusation and Sasha couldn’t bear how it made him  _feel._  He grabbed his jacket, the box of cigarettes he had lifted from the corner store and stormed out. Forty-eight hours later, Ethan found him sitting on a bench in the local park, too drunk to walk; sullenly quiet. "What do you fucking want?” Sasha spit out, not looking at Ethan. Ethan crouched in front of him, wrapped his arms around Sasha's middle until Sasha drew him close and kissed his head. Ethan stood up and took Sasha's hand, led him to his car and drove them home.

It went like that for a while. Every day that passed Sasha felt worthless and discarded by the very world; he had put his life at risk. He would drink himself into a stupor, waiting for Ethan to come home from work. Late one evening, Ethan let himself into their apartment, to find it pitch black. Startled, he tripped over Sasha’s legs as he sat against the wall by the door, smelling of vomit and piss. "Sash? Sasha, are you sick?" Ethan crouched down and shook him gently. Sasha shook his head then whispered, "Why don't you just fucking let me go?"

He stood up and looked down at Sasha, too drunk again to help himself.

Ethan felt so tired.

The pressure at work was intense, the project wasn't going well and his days had grown to almost sixteen hours more times than he wanted to think about. Trying to support himself and Sasha as well as arguing all the time with his parents and friends about how he was destroying his life by being involved with Sasha was just wearing him out. He wasn’t getting enough sleep as he tried to keep Sasha distracted with sex. However, it was Sasha’s self pity that was really exhausting him emotionally. As he looked down at Sasha, filthy, sitting in his own piss, Ethan had enough. He stepped around Sasha's sprawled out legs, and went to bed closing the bedroom door behind him; leaving Sasha where he lay. The next morning Sasha and his meager possessions were gone. Ethan never heard him leave.

For three weeks, Ethan haunted every dive bar and strip club that he knew Sasha spent time in. Finally, he bribed a colony bartender with the rent money to tell him where Sasha was staying. Sasha was startled out of his stupor by a knock at the door of the flophouse he was crashing in with several other colony vets. Drunk and desolate, he couldn’t move from his filthy mattress. He barely raised his head when the flimsy door was kicked in. Then there was Ethan standing over him, like an angel. A rather furious angel. Ethan reached down picked up his jacket from the pile of trash near his mattress, pulled him to sit up by his wrists and forced it on him. He pushed on Sasha's boots then yanked him to his feet. Slinging Sasha's arm around his shoulder he started hauling Sasha out of the room when Sasha struggled and pulled away. "Wait! Fucking wait."

Ethan, furious red faced anger as well as deep sadness playing across his face, shook his head no, but Sasha pulled away to bend over the stinking mattress. He reached under the grey saliva soaked pillow and retrieved something that he stuffed in his pocket then stumbled back to Ethan to let himself be yanked and half carried into Ethan’s car. They drove in silence to the little apartment.

Ethan was rough with him when they got into the apartment; Sasha let him strip him and shove him into the shower, holding Sasha upright while the warm water rouse him up a little. Ethan carefully washed his hair then his body. Sasha leaned heavily against the shower wall as Ethan scrubbed three weeks of grime from him. He let Ethan pull him out of the shower then towel him down like a small child. All the while Ethan was grim faced, his jaw locked in place, avoiding Sasha’s eyes. Silent. He led Sasha by the hand down the hallway, pulled him to the bedroom, shoved him down in their little bed then wrapped himself around Sasha and pulled up the covers over both of them.

Somewhere in the night Ethan's mouth found his and kissed him with his mouth wide open, thrusting his tongue into Sasha, demanding to be kissed back. Sasha responded his cock filling and soon he was holding Ethan down, thrusting so deeply that he felt he was trying to crawl inside Ethan. Ethan came once, then again and the third time Sasha came with him. Sasha felt his orgasm start in his toes rush up through his body, bypass his cock and explode in his brain. His hot semen rushed into Ethan saturating his heart. They had laid there staring into each other’s eyes for the longest time, panting, trying to catch their breath then gradually falling into deep sleep. Sasha woke up much later still tangled up in Ethan’s determined love.

He carefully crawled out of bed, rearranged Ethan then covered him back up. He padded to the little kitchen to make coffee. When it was done, he carefully carried two mugs back to the little bed then kissed Ethan until he sleepily opened his eyes. “Wake up sleeping beauty, we need to talk.” Sasha handed over a mug of coffee then settled himself next to him, warming his hands with his own mug. Ethan sipped at his coffee; chewed his lips but waited for Sasha to speak.

“I don’t know what is going to fucking happen,” Sasha said as he took a deep breath, as if to harden his resolve. “I don’t know how to do this, princess.”

Ethan snorted, sloshing coffee over the edge of his cup as Sasha scowled at him. “Well that’s obvious, Sash. I don’t know how either.” Ethan butted his head gently into Sasha’s arm. “You keep acting like I have all the answers and shit, Sasha, I don’t know how to do this either. I just know I love you. I’m not letting you go and if you walk out on me again, I will find you every fucking time and drag your sorry gypsy ass back here until you finally get it.”

They were silent; both of them drinking their coffee. Sasha put his mug down and reached for Ethan’s, taking it from him. Then he held Ethan’s hands in his and kissed the fingertips. “I won’t walk out again. I mean, I will try to not walk out again. I’ll fucking try. That’s the best I can do right now, princess.”

Ethan slid back down into the bed, pulled Sasha on top of him and reached for his lips with his own. “Then we’ll try.”

Nothing happened right away. Nevertheless, eventually things began to change. The husband of one of Ethan’s coworker’s offered Sasha a job at his landscaping business. Sasha was sure Ethan had suggested to his coworker and he flirted with some wounded pride for a day or so but then accepted the job. It was honest work, keeping Sasha busy all day cutting grass and trimming bushes. The first time he was paid, he took Ethan out for steak and wine then fucked him senseless in the back seat of Ethan’s car in the parking lot of the restaurant.

At the end of the six months, Sasha took the very last of his discharge money, money he had squirreled away in the back of the bedroom closet and bought Ethan a silver ring. Sasha worried it was too feminine; shiny silver with a single small ruby cut into the shape of a heart in the center of it. However, when he came home to find Ethan in the kitchen fixing dinner humming happily to himself Sasha didn’t care what it looked like. He had planned to be all romantic and ask Ethan to marry him on his knees but he couldn’t wait. He wrapped his arms around Ethan’s waist, tonguing his ear asking in whispers, “Will you fucking marry me?” Ethan froze. Sasha was sure he had made a stupid mistake as he held his breath waiting for Ethan to either laugh or reject him. Instead, Ethan burst into tears then nodded his head yes when Sasha drew out the little ring and offered it to him. Sasha slipped it on Ethan‘s slim finger saying “Princess I don’t have anything to offer you, but I swear to you I’ll will do my best to take care of you.”

He had meant to keep that promise.

They had decided together that Ethan would not reenlist when his time was up at the end of the first year. Ethan had come of age to inherit a small trust left to him by his maternal grandfather. It was enough to buy a small coffee shop and a loft condo in a new high rise. Ethan argued, when Sasha balked at the expensive condominium, that they were investing in their future with money left for him for just that purpose. Sasha tried hard to not be threatened by what he felt was a fortune but he couldn’t help but feel that Ethan should save the money. Ethan was adamant about starting his own business and buying a place to make their future home. Sasha wasn’t convinced until late one night they snuck into the building. Sasha was shocked then amused when Ethan easily broke into the condo they were considering. The condominium was on a high enough floor that the view from the bedroom seemed like they were back in space, stars hanging heavy around them. They made love on the floor littered with construction materials, Ethan sitting astride Sasha’s lap, riding his cock. They signed the paperwork the next day after Ethan spent an hour pulling splinters from Sasha’s ass.

The condo was a piece of cake compared to the couples counseling Ethan insisted on. During the first two visits, Sasha threatened to gut the counselor then bitched Ethan out for dragging him there. Ethan hauled him home muttering underneath his breath about Sasha acting like a two year old having a tantrum. On the third visit, when the counselor asked about positive couple role models, Sasha stood up, barked out “fuck you” and stomped out. Ethan found him in his favorite seedy bar already drunk enough to not be able to lift his head, an almost empty vodka bottle next to him. Ethan ordered a cranberry juice and dumped the rest of Sasha’s bottle in it. Sasha sneered at him and called him a fucking pansy. “Maybe so,” Ethan said quietly, “but this fucking pansy is going to fucking kick your faggot ass if you don’t stop acting like a psycho.”

Sasha turned his head towards Ethan without raising it from the bar and murmured, “I love it when you talk dirty to me, princess.”

Ethan snorted as he sipped his drink, “You want to tell me what’s going on, Sash? I thought you said you wanted to do this.”

Sasha sighed then fumbled around in an inside pocket of his jacket. He pulled out a worn tattered photo of a young couple, both with dark hair and eyes, the young man wide eyed with fear, the woman smiling up at him. “My parents. It was taken on their wedding day.”

Ethan took the photo from him, wrinkling his forehead. “This is what you went back for, that time at that disgusting flop house?”

“Yeah.”

"They are so young.”

“Yeah. She was pregnant with my sister. I was born two years later.”

Ethan run his thumb over the head of the bright eyed smiling young girl and then gently put it back in Sasha’s jacket pocket. He leaned over and kissed his cheek. “You look like your mother. She’s beautiful.”

Sasha closed his eyes, struggling to keep from weeping. “They weren’t even twenty-two when they died. The council announced a food distribution but the trucks were robbed before they got to the village. When the food didn’t come, those waiting got angry and threw around some rocks. The colony police sprayed the crowd with bullets. My parents were killed. They had said for Tasha to watch me, they were just going too gone for an hour to get bread and potatoes. Next thing I knew some fucking bitch social worker had our apartment door broken in and they hauled Tasha and I away. They wouldn’t allow us to stay together I heard Tasha begging and cursing them as they took her away. I was three. I didn’t know what the fuck was going on until Babushka came to get us. “

Sasha took a ragged breath as Ethan put his arm around his shoulder whispering, “You don’t have to, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.“

“I want to, while I’m too drunk to hold back. Babushka told me I killed my mother, her daughter, she said my mother was killed getting me bread because I was selfish. Who the holy fuck tells a baby his mother died because he was selfish? Fucking evil cunt bitch, I grew up fucking hating her.”

Ethan gently rubbed Sasha’s back, horrified and not knowing how to comfort him. “Let’s go home Sasha, let me take you home.”  Sasha didn‘t move for several minutes but then he let Ethan help him out of the bar and into Ethan’s car.

When they got home, Ethan filled the bathtub, stripped Sasha, and then eased him into the water. He sat on the edge of the tub, pulled Sasha back against him and began to wash his hair. It took a few minutes but Sasha eventually relaxed under Ethan’s ministrations. As Ethan fingered Sasha’s hair, massaging the scalp then rinsing the black hair until the water ran clear, Sasha leaned his head back against him, eyes closed with tears glittering on his cheeks.

“You know, your father looks scared to death in that picture.” Ethan still toyed with Sasha’s wet locks, reaching down to kiss his hair, then his forehead.

Sasha whispered, “I’m scared, princess.”

“I know. I know you are.”

“I don’t know why. I was never scared in space, never in the Reliant, never when we were blasting Terons to pieces. Being here with you, waking up every day for the rest of my life with you, wanting you as bad as I do all the fucking time, it is fucking terrifying.” Sasha continued as Ethan slid down into the water behind him, letting Sasha relax back against his chest.

“I’m afraid you’ll figure out that I’m a worthless piece of colony crap, just like your father keeps telling you and you’ll leave me. I’m afraid I’ll start believing we have a future then you’ll wake up one day and just walk away.”

Ethan laid his check against Sasha's wet back; for the longest time they were silent. Then quietly he said, "I won't. I can't. Neither can you."

Sasha snorted, "Tch, sure you can."

Ethan pulled Sasha’s index finger to his mouth then rubbed it across the ridge that crossed through his top and lower lip. Sasha was silent. He let Ethan rub the scar across his lips with his finger, and then he turned around and pulled Ethan into his lap, so that they faced each other. He kissed the marred lips, tonguing the ridge, which he had put there so long ago.

“Sasha, do you remember what you said to me when you did this?”

“Something about being my bitch?” Ethan laughed a little, shook his head and brought his forehead to Sasha‘s.

“No, the other part, the important part. You said it was a scar so that everyone would know I belonged to you. You marked me, Sasha. You made me yours right then and there. From then on, I have belonged to you. So, you can’t leave me and I can’t leave you. Do you understand what destiny is?”

“Are you saying that I’m suppose to fucking believe that we are meant to be together forever like some sort of romantic fairytale bullshit?”

Ethan’s lower lip began to quiver and he had to looked away, not able to meet Sasha’s eyes. He hated it when Sasha was hell bent on making him feel weak and emotional. He didn’t want to give Sasha any excuse’s to not take him seriously.

Quietly determined, Ethan retorted, “You marked me, you made me yours. Were you just trying to get into my pants?”

"Fuck no, you  _needed_ me. Getting into your pants was the easy part.”

They were silent for a few moments, each lost in their own thoughts until Sasha leaned into Ethan’s mouth, his tongue pushing Ethan’s lips apart. Ethan responded, wrapped his tongue around Sasha’s and wove his fingers through Sasha’s ebony hair, holding him close.

When they needed to breathe again, their eyes met and Ethan whispered, “I still need you. I’m going to always  _need_ you. You ever leaving me is off the table, I’m never letting you go even if I have to hunt you down and drag you back to me. Until the day I die, you aren’t leaving me Sasha. You marked me, I’m yours.”

It was a turning point. Sasha listened and even talked a little at the next counseling session, then the next. At the end of two months, the counselor suggested individual counseling with Sasha and he agreed. At the end of the first year, the counselor told Sasha that he knew all his demons now, had the tools to cope with them and declared counseling had done what it could for him.

Ethan and he celebrated by picking out a new bed, low and massive, dark wood and white sheets. Sasha thought it reminded him of snow in the forest. It became a refuge for them.

The second year was happy. Ethan fussed and fretted over the coffee shop, remodeling, trying out recipes, growing his little business into a comfortable place for a diverse group of people to congregate. Even colony immigrants came for long afternoons of hot coffee and conversation, which always sounded like debates to Ethan. He hired a good part of his staff from the colony unemployed. They were hard workers and he was fair to them. Sasha beamed with pride whenever he boasted to his drinking buddies about his “girlfriend’s” shop.

For the first time since he was discharged from the Alliance, Sasha felt useful. He didn’t recognize himself as he found the resolve to make a life with Ethan. He allowed himself to be seduced by Ethan’s determination to love him. He allowed himself to be seduced by comfort, warmth and a place in someone’s heart. He put aside the lessons of his childhood, the fear and distrust, as he allowed himself to be seduced by Ethan’s stubborn belief in him. He allowed himself to be seduced by Ethan’s pliant fair skinned, too skinny body that lay under him, on top of him, beside him, always willing to feed his cock whenever, however. He allowed Ethan to seduce him into happiness.

Ethan’s father made sure that Sasha should have known better. At the beginning of the third year, he did.

Weeks had turned into a couple of months before Ethan broached the wedding again. When he did, this time Sasha was ready, easily agreeing to the spring. They made the announcement during Christmas dinner, Ethan’s father turning a feral grin to Sasha every time he didn’t think Ethan was looking.

The holidays had passed, social obligations returned to normal and Sasha began to relax back to his old self. Sasha didn't go back to Aleks’s apartment building and Ethan’s father didn’t mention Aleks again. He knew Ethan's father was biding his time. Although the old bastard never actually said anything again, Sasha caught him several times smirking at him.

On a snowy January evening, they were laying side by side, silent in front of the fireplace, stretched out on their white sheepskin rug, sipping at honeyed whiskey, making out lazily. Ethan, slightly buzzed, cradled in the crook of Sasha’s arm, so that Sasha could lean down easily and kiss him. Every so often he would nibble at Sasha's collarbone making Sasha sharply suck in his breath. "Mmmm," Sasha hummed. "Guess what I'm thinking of, princess."

To which Ethan giggled "Ummm? Your cock?" Sasha looked down at his face, lids half closed, cheeks flushed, his lips red from Sasha sucking on them. He kissed Ethan’s eyes, drawing the tip of his tongue across the lids as Ethan murmured something he couldn't hear.

Sasha was drifting in comfort, the soft rug, the sweet burn down his throat from the whiskey, the warm fire, the even warmer fire he held in his arms. In two years, he had become another person, someone else’s life that Sasha thought he was living instead of his own. However, when Ethan, softened by booze and lazy sex, again murmured something Sasha could barely hear, suddenly everything slammed him back to reality. Back to what he really was and what was really going to happen when this fucking fairy tale came to a screeching halt.

“What? What did you fucking say, princess?” Ethan reached up and wrapped his arms around his neck, trying to draw him closer but Sasha leaned up on one of his elbows, trying to hear him.

“I said Dad told me he ran into one of our ship mates recently, someone we served with.” Ethan distracted, sucked into the hollow of Sasha’s throat for a second until Sasha gently pulled him back.

“You mean a navie, right?” But Sasha already knew the answer to this, dread filling his head, and his heart, trying to make time stop. Ethan puzzled at his reaction shook his head no.

“No, I think its someone who went through Basic with you.”

For Sasha; the fireplace, the condo, Ethan in his arms, his whole world seem to swirl and get sucked out of his life like a vacuum just pulled it away from him. He stiffened and Ethan sat up, startled as Sasha pulled away from him. Sasha swallowed then looked up into Ethan’s face, now confused and troubled.

“Wha...?” Ethan started to speak but Sasha put his fingers across his lips to silence him.

“Baby, I need to tell you something.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything belongs to Hamlet Machine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be WARNED, this chapter is full of very HARD feels.

As the long black car silently drove the tree lined road, it was anxietythattook hold of Aleks' nerves. His anger had grown to a quiet fury over the weeks he waited. He was shaking hard in waves of mounting rage when he had entered the car with its blacked out windows and silently purring engine, completely out of place idling in front of the grey tumbled down building he lived in. However, as the miles passed and he stared out the window blankly watching the world turn from grey to blue and green, the rage shook right out of him and dread filled the void it left.

Aleks thought that he knew what he wanted to do, until he was actually sitting in the chauffeured car outside the massive yellow house with its manicured lawn and white picket fence. This was a world he knew nothing about; it frightened him. Aleks had sat frozen on the heated leather seat of the long black car sinking into confusion, as he was no longer so sure. Forty-five minutes in the silent car, through iron security gates, up a tree laden circular drive and he was no longer sure about anything. What was he doing here? The memory of Sasha's hand at his throat, the other on his cock washed over him as guilt worked it way through his gut and into the very back teeth of his jaw. He struggled to swallow the growing feeling of alarm now ringing in his head telling him to flee.

"Coffee, Mr. Ruzinsky?"

Aleks had never felt so out of place. In the car, he panicked when the door was opened for him, unable to step out as the chauffeur waited patiently for him to exit. Now that he sat, small and inconsequential in a broad leather chair, he couldn't find a voice to answer the query from the older man sitting behind the large dark wood and glass topped desk. Aleks looked down at the frayed edges of his best shirt peaking past the cuffs of his jacket and colored in shame. The older man was impeccably dressed in expensive looking khakis and a rich wool sweater in an understated color of blue that matched his eyes.

The maid was waiting for him to answer, her dark eyes trained on his mouth waiting for instructions. "How do you like your coffee? Aleks, isn't it?" Aleks jerked his head back to the smiling man with all his bright white teeth. "It's all right with you if I call you _Aleks_ , isn't it?" Aleks swallowed, sick to his stomach. What had he done by coming here?

Sighing, the man waived the maid away and she scurried out of the room, closing the massive wood door behind her. He sized Aleks up for a moment then rose and poured coffee into a china cup adding a liberal amount of cream and sugar then offered it to Aleks, whose hands were trembling hard enough to slop the coffee over the edge of the cup as he took it. Ethan's father shot him a feral grin then leaned back against the desk, crossing his legs at his ankles.

"So, _Aleks_ , how is your father doing? I understand he's not well."

Aleks' mouth went dry; all he wanted to do was run.

The man waited then finally sat down in the leather chair across from Aleks and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. Softly he asked, "Do you know who I am, son?"

Aleks shook his head, sloshing more of the coffee over the side of the cup. Startled, he jerked away from the hot liquid but as he did the man was already there, taking away the cup and dabbing at Aleks' hand with a napkin. "Careful! Did you burn yourself?"

Aleks nervously swallowed, chewed the inside of his lips then shook his head again while Ethan's father perched on the edge of the chair across from where Aleks sat. He wanted to take it all back; he wanted out of there, he wanted to run back to his apartment, slam the door behind him and go on pretending to wait for Sasha to come find him. Aleks’ blood was pounding in his ears and he didn't hear what the older man said until he noticed his lips moving.

"I'm Ethan's father. You know Ethan don't you? I suppose you would know him as his task name. Abel."

Then Aleks _was_ sick. Abel. Ethan. He shook his head "yes". Yes, he knew who Ethan was. This crafty well dressed older man handing him coffee sitting across from him in a room surrounded with wood and wealth, was Ethan's father. The Senator. Suddenly Aleks was light headed and he blinked as the room swirled around him. He felt his head forced down between his knees, a trashcan put at his feet.

"Just give yourself a moment, son. I'm sure this is upsetting," Ethan's father's voice was so warm, so calm. Aleks couldn't help but be comforted, grateful for the small kindness. The hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently in conciliatory empathy. Aleks remembered suddenly a story his father told him on one of the rare occasions that his father had a few minutes between shifts and he had come home to tuck Aleks into bed for the night.

"There was this frog and a scorpion standing at the banks of a river, both needed to get across. So, the scorpion asks the frog to carry him across the river, but the frog is afraid of being stung, _mano_ человек,but the scorpion says, "If I sting you, you will sink and I will drown." So the frog thinks about it and decides to trust the scorpion and they start to cross the river." So what do you think happens, Aleks?"

Aleks remembered smiling up at his father and wanting to hear the rest of the story from him, so he said, "I don't know, _nana_ , what?"

"Well they are half way across the river and the scorpion stings the frog and they are both doomed to drown! Before they sunk down into the river to drown the frog asked the scorpion why he had done such a terrible thing and the scorpion said, "It’s what I do, I'm a scorpion."

Aleks, always too trusting; puzzled over the meaning of this fable for many years, never quite understanding what his father was trying to explain to him. As he looked up into Ethan's father blue eyes, as cold and merciless as ice fields that the colonies were build on, it became clear to Aleks. He was the frog and Ethan’s father, the scorpion, was going to sting him to death. Ethan’s father must hate Sasha more than he loved his son. _If_ he loved his son at all. The consequences didn‘t matter; Ethan’s father would destroy Sasha however he could.

"I want to go home." Aleks demanded quietly, rising from his seat. The Senator snorted then walked to the marble topped little bar at the side of the room. 

"Sit down, faggot, you aren't going anyplace," Ethan's father brusquely ordered Aleks as he poured a generous amount of some sort of amber liquor from a beautiful cut crystal decanter into an equally beautiful cut crystal glass.

In that moment Aleks’ head cleared, for a moment he was not confused or afraid. For a moment, his fighter training took over and he fingered his knife, sliding it down into his sleeve. However, his growing fear had made him slow. Too late, he noticed the burly man who had slipped into the room and easily grabbed Aleks by the wrist twisting it high up his back while he efficiently pulled the sharp little blade out of Aleks’ fingers. Aleks sucked in his breath sharply as his arm was pulled high enough up the middle of his back to pull the shoulder from the socket. The man then pushed him forward on his knees twisting the arm until Aleks stopped struggling. Ethan's father nodded at the security guard who let him go, leaving Aleks to regain his composure. Laughing, Ethan's father waved off the security guard leaving Aleks panting and cradling his arm in shock.

"Get up off your knees, cocksucker. Sit the fuck down," Ethan's father growled at him then folded himself into the one of the chairs. He sipped from his glass, peering over the top of it at Aleks.

Aleks did as he was told.

"So, _Aleks,_ your father is very ill, isn't he?"

Aleks closed his eyes, trying to control his panic, but losing to a sinking blackness, orchestrated by the man speaking softly to him. The words now felt like blows. How did this man know so much about his father? Ethan's father was patient. He waited until he was sure that Aleks was not going to respond then leaned forward, closer to Aleks and continued speaking. He was determined to break Aleks farther.

"Did your father ever tell you why he worked himself into an early grave?"

Aleks' eyes flew open and he stared at Ethan's father. He knew too much, this was all wrong. Aleks was afraid to move, afraid of what the man was going to say. He cursed himself for letting down his guard, for letting his anger at Sasha get in the way of doing the smart thing, and getting involved with any of this. The Senator sat back and sipped at his whiskey, the corners of his mouth turned up with a knowing smirk.

"I bet he told you it was to pay your mothers medical bills, didn't he? You look like you'd be gullible enough to never question anything he told you. Right?"

Aleks’ head was pounding; he did not want to hear where this was going. Ethan's father’s words cut as deeply as razor blades slashing at Aleks.

"So, _Aleks_ let me ask you something. Did your father keep a little memorial for your mother? Something with say...her ashes? Maybe a picture of you and her together when you were a baby? A little vase of flowers he changed all the time? Hmm? _Aleks_? Did he?"

Aleks took a deep breath trying to think and attempting to rein in his fear. He couldn't seem to stop shaking. Ethan's father _had_ to be fishing; he couldn’t know anything. Playing for time Aleks whispered an answer.

"No."

Ethan's father smiled broadly at Aleks. The boy was shaking so hard his teeth were rattling, his color pale and ashen, and sweat staining the underarms of his cheap shirt. His despair wafted off of him, crippling him.

Aleks needed time to think, a few moments to regain his footing. Everything he had learned in basic, all the skills he had honed as a fighter, that had saved him during the war, seemed like smoke and mirrors. Despair had made him stupid, desperation had stripped him of everything he had learned to protect himself.

"Every wonder why, son?"

Aleks swallowed the bile in his mouth and shook his head again. The Senator drank deeply and sat back getting comfortable again.

"So, _Aleks_ , this illness your father has, he got it from working in the factory didn't he? Don't many colonists get the same thing? It's fatal isn't it?"

Aleks flinched as if he had been struck, his mouth not working; he just stared at Ethan’s father, waiting.

"Isn't it the same thing that killed your mother? I think it is, and from what I understand, it's a hard painful death."

Tears welled up in Aleks’ eyes; he hung his head, just wanting it to stop, frozen to the chair, unable to move.

"So from what I understand your father told you that he was working so much to pay off your mother’s last medical bills. Odd that, because there weren't any last medical bills. Did you know that, Aleks? Did you know that your mother died in horrible pain three months after she was diagnosed?"

Aleks began to openly weep; he couldn't hold it back any longer. He clutched his fist to his chest as his heart was shattered. He pleaded in whispers, "Stop! Just stop! Why are you doing this?"

Ethan's father had to set down his drink so that it didn't slosh over the side as he laughed a big long belly laugh, then he picked it up again and sipped at it.

"Ever wonder why there wasn't anything to remember her by?"

Aleks’ vision cleared as he stared his tormenter. For a few seconds Aleks found some resolve deep inside and with it, a small spark of his anger. Aleks shook his head and spat out, "There aren't graves on the colonies. _You_ should know that."

"Ah, yes, as a matter of fact, I do. I wrote that law. No reason to waste prime real estate on filthy animals."

Fighter instinct took over as Aleks launched himself from his chair towards Ethan's father. Just quickly as he had pounced he found himself on the ground, breath knocked out of him, the security guard standing over him, boot on his throat.

"Tsk, tsk, _Aleks_ , that's not nice at all. I'm trying to help you help your father. I know it's hard for your kind, but really, try to show some sort of manners."

Aleks coughed harshly as the boot compressed his airway, pinning him to the floor. He didn't want to die like this. He wanted the opportunity to feel Ethan's father's warm blood spill over his hand when he gutted him. But he needed to live for that, so he forced himself to relax in what seemed to be resignation.

Several minutes passed and no one moved. Then, satisfied, Ethan's father waved his hand at the guard, who raised his boot but continued to watch cautiously as Aleks stayed on the floor, breathing heavily.

"Thank you, Charles, I think that will be all. Mr. Ruzinsky will be cooperating from now on." Ethan's father nodded to the door and the frowning security guard closed the door behind himself as he left the room. Ethan’s father crouched next to Aleks who was panting, his lungs on fire.

"Now get up you sick little pansy and sit your fucking ass down in that chair! Do that again and I will let him dry fuck you _after_ he breaks your legs! _Understand?”_

Aleks crawled to his knees then sat back down into the chair. Ethan's father poured himself another drink and sat down straightening his pants and dusting off the blue sweater. "Now, where was I? Oh, yes, _your mother_."

Aleks sucked in his breath trying to control himself, fearfully peering out from behind the hang of black hair over his left eye, trying to figure a way out. He didn't want to have to beg the old man sitting across from him again to please stop hurting him. The humiliation was too close to how he reacted to what Sasha did to him. He hated but craved it at the same time.

"My understanding is that your father couldn't even afford to get her ashes from the crematorium and she was just swept up with the rest of your kind that were burned that day and tossed out with the rubbish." He studied the now shaking young man, who finally seemed to be completely terrorized. That's what you had to do with these animals, break their will and terrorize them into obedience. He was close, very close.

"So your father spends twenty years working sixteen hours a day in a factory where the air is polluted with carcinogens and now it's eating him from the inside out and you...his only child, what exactly are you doing for him?" The senator tipped the heavy crystal glass to his lips then turned his eyes to Aleks.

"Did you say something _Aleks_? I’m afraid I didn't hear you."

Aleks closed his eyes and shook his head, defeated now. There was nothing to say.

"Ah then, no, of course what would you say? I mean it's not as if you have any money to send to him right? Hasn’t he lived his whole life for you and never asked for anything in return?"

Aleks sank into the chair; this horrible man already knew the answer. Aleks tried to choke back his tears but then lost control, weeping openly with his fingers over his eyes.

"Aleks, does your father know you are _homosexual_?"

Aleks nodded “yes“, that was the truth; his father had always known but had not put any importance to it. Except for his involvement with Sasha. His father still blamed Sasha for Aleks following him into the Alliance and destroying his hope that Aleks would have a different life than he did. In the end, Aleks was left with nothing, it was all for nothing. Sasha abandoned him in the end. Just like his father had said Sasha would when he begged Aleks not to follow him into Basic.

His father was red faced and angry as Aleks packed his small bag. "Aleks, I forbid you to do this!"

" _Nana_ , I have already enlisted, I have to go," Aleks stood up and faced his father who was blocking the doorway, trying desperately to keep his Aleks from leaving. Aleks couldn't meet his eyes, but stood in front of his father, holding his small bag. “I love you, _nana_ , but I'm a man now and this is what I want to do. Please don't make it harder than it already is."

Aleks’ father had hugged him to his chest with his big muscled arms, "Please, son, I love you so much, please don't do this."

Aleks had dropped his bag and embraced his father back, "I love you too, _nana_ , I'll be ok. Please don't worry, I want to do this."

"It’s because of that bastard Sasha, isn't it?"

Aleks had sighed deeply then stepped back and picked up his bag. "I'll contact you when they let me, _nana_ , I love you, please take care of yourself, I'll see you when Basic is over, before I‘m shipped out."

Aleks’ father had moved aside then, resigned, and let him pass, "Aleks, I told you that boy was bad for you. Please, son, don't let him ruin your life; don’t let him get you killed. I couldn‘t stand to lose you, Aleks."

Aleks almost broke at the trembling in his father's voice as his father pleaded, for a moment he was afraid to go. Both of them startled at the persistent honk of a car horn, and then Aleks gripped his bag firmly, slid past his father and out the front door of the apartment to the waiting car.

He and his father never spoke of Sasha again.

Ethan's father startled him back to the present. "Does he know you didn't go back to take care of him because you have been waiting for Sasha for two years? I wonder how he would feel to know you are well aware that Sasha is engaged to be married and he’s completely forgotten you? That you are nothing to Sasha? That he's _abandoned_ you?" Ethan's father was standing over him now, his hand on Aleks head, gently smoothing down the black hair, sweaty and damp.

"You do know you are nothing to Sasha, right? _Aleks_?"

Aleks bent over and howled in pain, his gut twisting as if Ethan's father had forced a knife in and cut him wide open. His head was bursting at the truth of his words, the pain was searing its way inside his heart and he was sure it would stop it from beating. Sobs racked his small frame until he felt the cool nudge of crystal and Ethan's father was putting a glass with the same whiskey he had been drinking into his hands.

"So. Aleks, it seems we each have a problem. Your father needs medical care if he is to live and I want Sasha out of my life. Out of my son's life. If my son has to be a fucking pansy then I at least want him being ass fucked by someone I can take out in public, not some low life gypsy faggot," Ethan's father said, sitting down again. "So I'm wondering what you think we can do to help each other?"

Aleks rubbed at his face; his eyes hurt. He was so tired. All he wanted was to go home, curl up on his couch and pretend he was waiting for Sasha; pretend that Sasha was coming home to him.

Ethan's father's voice once again started him out of his stupor.

"I would think if your father had medical care, say at an excellent hospital on Earth, with all the advantages of modern equipment and medicine, that he might have a chance."

Aleks perked up his ears. So, this was to be the price. His father for Sasha.

"I understand your father asked you not to see Sasha, that he told you he was bad for you but you disobeyed him. You followed Sasha to basic, then into the war. You made your father very sad you know. He gave you everything he had to give and you turned your back on him. For someone who abandoned you the minute he found a better, richer, _blonder_ fuck."

"How do you know all this? How?" Aleks asked, voice barely above a whisper.

Ethan's father's grin was frightenly sinister, then he laughed at Aleks. "I had your father interviewed for 50 credits. The father of a war hero! He ate it right up, didn't even want to take the money. I wonder if he would be so proud of you if he knew you abandoned him, just like Sasha abandoned you."

After all of it, every horrible hateful thing Ethan's father had said, it was this that shattered Aleks into a million tormented pieces. His father would never have said anything to Aleks about it, but Aleks knew his father had been heartbroken when he told him he wasn’t coming home. He had hurt his father for Sasha, who didn’t care about him at all.

"What do you want from me?" Aleks whispered, racked with guilt, as he made the only decision he could. His father had sacrificed everything for him, including ultimately, his life. Sasha had abandoned him like Aleks had abandoned his father.

"I want to you to give an interview; about the Senator's son and his _fiancé_. I want people to know exactly what kind of disgusting games Sasha played with you. Don’t bother to deny it, you sick pervert, I have detailed reports.” Aleks colored deep red in shame, horrified as Ethan’s father went on, “Then I want you to tell them all about how you waited for him like he told you to...he did order you to wait, didn't he, Aleks?"

Aleks could only nod, it was true.

"I want you spill your guts, to talk about how he _abandoned_ you for the wealthy son of a powerful Senator. The media will eat it up and I'll spin it hard so that faggot prick won't know what happened to him until he's back on a shuttle for the colonies where he fucking belongs!"

Aleks, enveloped in his own pain, was still nauseated at the thought of Sasha losing everything. Ethan’s father jumped on the struggle going on across Aleks’ face.

"Now, don't tell me you still care what happens to that _bastard,_ do you? After all, he sure wasn't going to ever take care of you, was he?"

Aleks sighed, resigned, remembering the last time that Sasha's hand was at his throat and on his cock, telling him to wait for him. He wanted that; _needed_ to feel Sasha again but his father needed him too. His father would never ask for help, he would patiently accept whatever scraps Aleks threw his way, even if it was a weekly ten minute call full of uncomfortable silence. His father never asked if Aleks was alone; he never asked about Sasha. His father deserved whatever chance Aleks could give him, he didn’t deserve to die because Aleks was selfishly addicted to someone who had forgotten him and left him behind.

He looked Ethan's father straight in the eyes and whispered, "When can my father come here?"

Ethan's father sat back in his comfortable leather chair and took another big swallow of whiskey, smug with satisfaction. Mother, this had been easy. Finally, he would be rid of the fucking mongrel his worthless son had drug home. Just like the fucking puppy Ethan had brought home from school when he was seven. He had a security guard shoot the filthy thing in the head and throw it in the trash when Ethan was at school. Ethan had searched all over for hours crying after it until he had berated Ethan for acting like a worthless pansy.

Grinning, he tipped the glass in Aleks’ direction and lied, "Your father will be on a shuttle the very moment your interview ends."

　

　

　

　

　


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything belongs to Hamlet Machine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I listen to music when I write and many times it becomes a part of the story I'm weaving. The song for Simple Things is Set Fire to the Rain by Adele.

"This is Deimos you're talking about, Sash? The fighter, the little creepy guy?"

Sasha shook his head. They had been at it for hours. He was exhausted. He needed Ethan to be sweet and soft with him right now, he needed it to not be so hard.

"He isn't creepy, he's quiet."

Ethan stared at him puzzled, "I don't think I understand this very well, Sasha, what does he have to do with us?

They were sitting across from each other at their kitchen table; it was well into the night now. Both of them were worn out, trying to do their best not to let _this_ discussion disintegrate into every other fight they had had; a full fledged knock down, relationship ending, battle. But something about what Sasha was _not_ saying had put Ethan on edge and there was growing feeling of panic filling his stomach as the words out of Sasha‘s mouth made less and less sense. 

Sasha pushed himself back, "Blyat, I'm done, I'm having a smoke and then going to bed. If you still don't get it by morning I'll try again."

"I'm tired too, but you don't hear me inferring you're stupid just because you can't seem to explain yourself."

Sasha jerked the chair out and threw it across the kitchen startling Ethan who jumped away his eyes big, tears instantly pooling at the corners.

Sasha sneered at him, "Yeah, turning on the waterworks, there's a big surprise."

Ethan burst into tears then rushed across the room and down the hallway to their bedroom, slamming the door behind him. Sasha started after him but then let him go. He rubbed his hand over his face in exasperation. "Nice going, Sasha, you sure fucked that one up," he muttered to himself, bending over to pick up the chair and put it back in place. He wanted a smoke, desperately but he had promised Ethan he would really try to quit this time so he washed out the mugs instead, wiped down the table and turned off the lights in the kitchen.

Standing in the living room, eyeing the couch, he peered wistfully down the hall to the closed bedroom door. He rolled his stiff shoulders and decided that he would chance it. Anything was better than sleeping on the couch. He padded down the hallway, tentatively tried the door and found it unlocked. The room was dark but the curtains were still open and the moonlight silhouetted Abel who sitting up on the bed hugging his knees to his chest. Sasha crawled across the bed and sat beside him, and leaning into him, he kissed the very top of Abel's arm. Abel sniffled but ignored him.

"I'm sorry, princess, I'm an ass."

Abel sniffled again and gently bumped Sasha's arm with his, "You got that right."

Sasha put his arm around Ethan's shoulder and squeezed, planting a kiss on Ethan's cheek.

"This is hard, baby."

Ethan turned to him and took his hand in his. “I want to be with you, Sash. But if you still can't trust me, then you need to tell me now before we do something stupid like spend the rest of our lives together."

Sasha wanted to trust him, but a lifetime of being hurt every time he had risked trusting _anyone_ wasn't just going to go away by chatting with some guy he paid 300 credits to twice a week, no matter how gut wrenching it had been.

Ethan's soft lips were kissing his fingers, "Sasha, please, _please_ , tell me what's going on."

Sasha blew out his lips and slid down into the bed. Ethan did so as well, wrapping himself around Sasha, putting his head on his chest. Sasha hugged him close, running his hand down Ethan's spine and cupping his ass to pull him closer. Ethan purred and Sasha snorted. "That is so sexy princess." Ethan laughed as they relaxed into each other.

"I've known Aleks most of my life." 

"That's Deimos’ real name?"

"Yeah, we went to school together, grew up in the same neighborhood." Ethan planted soft kisses on Sasha's chest, Sasha responded by kneading Ethan's skinny ass. 

"So, were you boyfriends?" Ethan asked.

"Geez, princess, you get right to the point don't you?"

Ethan laughed then, "Well you've been dancing around this for three hours, what else am I supposed to think?"

Sasha kissed the top of his head. "Yeah, we were kinda like boyfriends."  Ethan rose up on his elbows and frowned at him.

"He was your first time?" The room was silent for almost too long while Ethan watched some deep hurt play out across Sasha's face. He had learned to be patient with Sasha, that if he waited for him to get used to trusting him, Sasha wouldn't fly into rage to protect himself.

"No, but I was his." Ethan put his head back down on Sasha's chest, planting little comforting kisses across it, throwing his arm across it hugging him closer.

"So Deim...I mean Aleks is here? On Earth?"

Sasha sighed deeply before he answered. Ethan could hear trembling in Sasha's voice. It made him nervous. "Yes. He came here after we were discharged apparently. Lives in one of the colony slums, works in some fucking factory."

Ethan froze. "How do you know that Sash?"

Sasha ran his hand over Ethan's back until Ethan relaxed again. "I looked it up on the computer, the Vet site; it was easy to find him." Sasha felt Ethan's muscles tighten again and listened to him suck in a breath. Guilt washed over him as he could tell Ethan was trying hard to not freak out.

"Baby, I haven't seen him, I swear."

Ethan sat up, his eyes shiny in the moonlight pouring in through the windows from the night sky. He paused for a moment and then leaned in to kiss Sasha hard, and slipped a hand down the front of Sasha's pants, the flannel one's Ethan had given him for Christmas just weeks earlier. "Sash...I...let's talk in the morning. I...need..."

Sasha, reached for Ethan, as he snaked his pants down over his hips; relieved that Ethan wanted something easy from him. Ethan straddled him as he sat. He grasped Ethan's ass with one hand, the back of his head with the other and pulled Ethan's silky hair back making him arch his neck so that Sasha could chew on it. Getting lost in each other chased away Ethan's creeping doubt for the moment. They slept hard, well sated afterward.

Ethan woke late the next morning, the alarm having been turned off. Sasha's side was empty and cold, he had been up for a while. Ethan wasn't scheduled to go into the shop until later in the day so he took his time in the shower, letting the warm pulsing water wash away last night’s uncertainties. The counselor had told them, every day was a new day, the past was done and gone and the future didn't exist. Live every day by itself, the counselor had advised. Appreciate the simple things. At the time, Ethan had been slightly annoyed at how trite the words sounded, but now he was reconsidering them. His mother had said that too, it was the simple things in life that matter the most. So Ethan washed his hair, conditioned it so that it would be soft and smell of jasmine; a girly smell that turned Sasha on even if he teased Ethan about it. When he got out to towel himself out he could smell bacon and coffee, Sasha was cooking breakfast in their kitchen, in their home. Nothing had changed.

Ethan threw on jeans and a deep blue sweater his mother had given him for Christmas. She said the color brought out the blue in his eyes. Barefoot, he left the room and walked down the long hall to the expansive living area with the open kitchen across the back of it. He loved this place they had made a home. Sasha looked _so_ right in an apron and spatula in his hand as he turned to greet Ethan with a broad grin and a low whistle. Ethan blushed recognizing Sasha's "I'm about to make fun of you" look.

"What?"

Sasha snorted and waved the spatula at him. "Nothing, princess. Hungry?" Ethan sidled up next to him to kiss him then sat himself down at the island bar.

"That smells great, yes!" Sasha poured him a cup of coffee, lavishing it with cream and sugar and set it down in front of him.

"Be ready in a sec, two or three pancakes?" He turned back to the griddle and flipped the golden round pancakes to the uncooked side.

"I'm starved, three!" Sasha flipped the cakes again then plated them with some bacon and put them in front of Ethan. The microwave binged and Sasha reached in to remove a small pitcher of warmed maple syrup that he set in front of Ethan. Filling his own plate, he stood at the bar across from him, and took a deep drink of his black coffee.

Ethan poured the warmed syrup over his pancakes, smiling with pleasure and popped a forkful into his mouth. With his mouth full, he purred, "mmmm, these are wonderful, Sash! I love it when you cook for me."

Sasha snorted. "You could use a second round, princess."

Ethan shook his head, grinning, "You liked my skinny ass well enough last night."

Sasha laughed; then ate, crunching on some of the bacon in between bites of pancake. They were silent then, except for the sounds of eating and forks scraping plates. Sasha filled Ethan's coffee cup again and then his own.

"Oh, I am _so_ full! Thank you, Sash, that was perfect!"

"Glad you liked, baby, there's more if you want it."

Ethan shook his head no, and sipped at his coffee. Sasha took his plate, scrapped both of them off into the garbage, then put the dishes in the dishwasher after rinsing them. He carefully wrapped the remaining bacon and pancakes and threw them in the freezer. He would have breakfast to take to work later in the week. He set the griddle in the sink to soak, wiped down the counters then folded the dishrag over the side of the sink. Turning back, he found Ethan frowning at him.

"What?" he almost barked at Ethan, knowing what was coming next.

"I'm sorry, but you aren't usually so domestic. You must really be nervous."

Sasha sighed, rolled his neck popping the joints and nervously ran his hands through his hair. He leaned forward on the counter, hands splayed out in front of him, bent over and stared at the floor. He did _not_ want to argue with Ethan. He just wished this wasn't so hard. Ethan waited a few minutes giving him time, then stood up and picked up their cups and took them to the coffee table in the living area of the room and sat down on the couch.

"Sasha, I promise you can trust me," he offered. Sasha stood upright and stretched, garnering his resolve. All that money they had spent on counseling should count for something he figured. He crossed the room and sat down next to Ethan, grabbing his cup and drank more of the hot bitter coffee. Nothing like the boiled grains that he grew up on, this was a blend Ethan roasted and ground in his own shop, their own special coffee. What in the fuck was he doing here with this cultured sophisticated piece of blond fluff? Ethan gave him an encouraging small smile as he drank from his own cup.

Oh, yeah, he was completely in love with that piece of blond fluff, who was fluffy like a fucking pit bull. He slipped his hand down Ethan's leg and gently pinched his inner thigh. Ethan took his hand and removed it from his leg, kissing the back of it. "No distracting me. Talk. I'll listen."

Fuck, he loved this man; his cock already growing hard, Sasha shook his head to clear his thoughts. Ethan kissed his hand again to bring him back into focus.

"Sash, why are you telling me all this about Deimos?"

Sasha reached for his cup took a big swallow and then started with the whole story. "Last fall when we were at your folks, do you remember, you and your mom were trying out that new cake? Your dad and I had drinks in his office?" Ethan nodded his head, following intently. Sasha softened his face, brought Ethan's fingers to his mouth, and kissed them firmly.

"You know princess; your dad really does hate me. I know you don't think so, but your dad is a pathological liar. Whatever he's telling your mom and you doesn't even come close to the truth."

Ethan glanced away, his jaw working, Sasha could see he was chewing his lip, trying to hold back defending his father. Sasha reached over, turned his face to him, and looked deeply into Ethan's blue eyes.

"Ethan, I believe you when you say you want to trust me. But you have to understand that means you trust me to tell you the truth even when it's something you don't want to hear. Baby, I want...I _need_ you to believe me. I'm not lying to you; your father is the one who threatened me with Aleks."

Ethan searched his face, he knew when Sasha was lying. Sasha had _never_ been able to hide that from him. However, years of half truths and secrets made him suspect of anything Sasha said to him. Ethan closed his eyes for a second; if they were to survive, they were going to have to move past his distrust and Sasha's fear of trusting anyone. He tilted his face up, Sasha's fingers resting gently on his jaw, and pushed into Sasha's warm lips. Sasha hesitated then wrapped his arm around Ethan's shoulders and pulled him close, kissing him back.

"Ok, so, if you aren't seeing Aleks, then what is there for my dad to threaten you with?"

Sasha blew out his cheeks and wiped the sweat that had beaded on his forehead, moving his hair out of his eyes. "I told Aleks to wait for me."

Ethan's eyes got big and round and he pulled away. Sasha angrily got to his feet and walked to the coat closet, yanked the door open and slammed the hangers apart searching for his jacket.

"I knew it! I knew when push came to shove; you would do this, princess! What a fucking idiot I am to ever..." Sasha froze at Ethan's hand on his shoulder but didn't turn around.

"Sasha, stop. Stop it! This is how you always react when I don't do exactly what makes you comfortable. Just give me a second to understand what you are telling me." Ethan rested his forehead on Sasha's back and whispered "Please." Then again, "Please."

Sasha put his hand on the doorframe and leaned into it for support. He dropped his jacket, turned around, and took Ethan into his arms putting his lips near his ear, breathing him in. "When the Reliant was reassigned after we got back from the Sleipnir and the war was winding down, I told him to wait for me. Baby, there was no reason for me to believe that I could ever have anyone like you. I thought when we were discharged that you would fucking high tail it away from me as fast as you could," he buried his face into Ethan's neck, "I _thought_ Aleks was my future. I just didn't know any better."

Ethan slipped his arms down from around Sasha's neck, grasped his hand and lead him back to the couch. "Sit," he commanded and gently pushed Sasha onto the couch then slid down next to him.

"Ok, so, if I'm following this, somehow Dad found out that Aleks is here and he's trying to use it against you? But why? What's the point of that?"

Sasha laughed and swung his arm around the room. "Baby, do you really think that dear old dad is happy about all this? I'm a gypsy colonist, a _faggot_ gypsy colonist who came from nothing. You don't think it's bad enough that I am fucking you, but he is going to have to stand up at our very public wedding, with his very blond wife, his very blond daughter and his very blond and very gay son. Then there is me, the very kind of person he's worked his entire career to oppress and _cleanse."_

Ethan wrinkled his forehead as he tried to process what Sasha was saying.

"It'll destroy his career, everything he stands for all his life, it'll be over. Ethan, baby, he fucking _despises_ me and I think he intends to use Aleks to hurt me, to hurt _us_."

Ethan shook his head not fully grasping what Sasha was concerned about, he knew his father was uncomfortable with the whole gay marriage thing, but he'd not been verbally abusive to him since he had been reassigned to earth. In fact other than some initial complaining, his father had been more than understanding about Sasha and seemed to accept him.

"Sash, why do you think my dad is pushing us to get married then? If he was so against it, wouldn't he be causing trouble for us?" Ethan leaned back against Sasha, partially to physically connect with him, partially to keep him from bolting.

Sasha rubbed his arms for several minutes then settled into Ethan and nuzzled at his ear. Ethan waited and finally Sasha admitted.

"I know; it doesn’t make sense to me either. I know I'm not wrong, I can smell something going on. I know it has to do with Aleks, and I know it's bad. I just can't figure it out. I tried to see Aleks but......" Ethan jumped away from him as if he was scalded.

"What?" Sasha gave Ethan the time to absorb what he had said, just as if he asked then he reached out and Ethan let him pull him back.

"I'm sorry baby. Before the holidays, I looked up his address on the computer and I went there. I waited for him to go in or come out and he didn't. I never went back."

Ethan took some deep breaths then asked, "That night you were late for dinner and you brought me flowers?"

Sasha hung his head, "Yeah."

Ethan froze again and this time, Sasha just let him work through it, both of them silent as they both internalized their own fears and doubt and tried to come to terms with what trusting each other really felt like. After a while, Ethan relaxed back into Sasha's arms, and whispered frankly, his voice quivering "This is really hard isn't it?" Sasha nodded in agreement, burrowing his nose up against Ethan's ear.

Ethan blew out his lips, "Ok, so if dad is really trying to drive us apart, and I still don't understand the point of that, he should know me better..." Sasha snorted, tickling the fine hairs around Ethan's ear; Ethan ingnored him and went on, "Then I still don't understand how dragging your friend into this would do that?" Ethan turned to him, looking him in the eyes with growing recognition that Sasha had left something important out. He placed his hand across Sasha's heart and looked him deep in the eyes.

"Sash?"

Sasha scratched at his forehead nervously and swallowed convulsively. Really everything that he had exposed to Ethan in the last 24 hours had been a cakewalk. Now came the hard part. He put his lips to Ethan's head and breathed in the scent of jasmine from Ethan's conditioner, so ridiculously feminine and powerful enough to make him instantly hard. Fear kept his cock soft this time. He sucked in his breath then admitted the worst of it.

"There's something else, baby. I’m fucking sca...I’m fucking...ah, shit, Ethan.” Sasha sat forward suddenly, dislodging Ethan who was forced to sit up as well. Sasha ran fingers through his hair. He was sweating now, his hair was damp. Ethan kept himself still, sitting cross legged beside him, but not touching him. It seemed to take forever for Sasha to form the words and in the end he couldn’t even look at Ethan. He supposed it was now or never, if this was going to work, if they were going to make it, he was going to have to just put it out there and hope that Ethan didn’t toss him out the door and out of his life. Sasha didn’t know his face was wet until Ethan reached over and gently wiped his cheeks with the edge of his sweater.

“Go on Sash.” Ethan whispered to him, and when he raised his face to Ethan’s eyes, the hurt already in them shattered his resolve. His throat closed up, nothing would come out, and the fear of losing everything, losing Ethan was so heavy on his heart that his chest hurt. Ethan moved closer to him and put his arms around him, and whispered again, “I promise, I _promise_ you, that whatever it is, it will be ok. I’m not letting you go Sasha, no matter what. But you _have_ to tell me.”

Once the words started tumbling out of Sasha, he and Ethan became like two great rivers merging into a waterfall; free falling into open space as they became powerful enough to carve out their future and bind them together, forever.

　

　

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything belongs to Hamlet Machine.

Aleks, sitting in numb silence on the ride home, never noticed when the world changed from green and blue to grey. He stood outside his crumbling apartment building for a few minutes after he got out of the back seat of the car and stared up at the grimy windows of his little apartment. The sun was going down; the windows were dark.

He was exhausted. It was hard to trudge up the flights of steps to the door of the apartment. He fumbled with the keys but was finally able to unlock the door. It was chilly in the apartment so he left his coat on. Heat was for the worse of winter; he couldn’t afford it otherwise. He put on the kettle to make tea, and called his father while he was waiting for the water to heat. For a moment, he thought it was too early, that his father was still sleeping as the phone rang and rang, but finally his father's familiar voice answered, "Hello? Aleks?" His father sounded frail, like an elderly man not a man in his late forties.

"Nana? Did I wake you?" Aleks slumped down in a kitchen chair, staring at the little blue flame under the kettle. Already his nose was running, and he had to blink his eyes as he teared up. He pushed his emotions back; he didn't want to worry his father.

"Nyet! I've been up for a while, just sitting here in the kitchen drinking coffee. How are you, little man?" Aleks stood up, grabbed a mug from the shelf above his stove, and put a tea bag in it as he answered his father.

"I'm fine, papa, it’s my day off and I just got home from doing my errands. I wanted to talk to you. How are you feeling?" Aleks spooned some sugar into his mug; the kettle was beginning to hum. He waited for his father to answer as he listened to his father cough roughly on the other end. His coughing fits were becoming longer and longer.

"Sorry, Aleks, you know mornings always make me cough. I'm fine, little man, I'm doing ok." Aleks father lied, thankful that Aleks wasn't there to see him wipe blood from his mouth.

"Nana, did you see the doctor this week? What are they telling you about treatment?" Aleks poured the hot water over the teabag to steep, impatiently not waiting for it to boil. He picked the mug up with his free hand, juggling to hold the phone on his neck while he sat back down. His father paused then laughed a little.

"No, not this week, Aleks, I have an appointment in three weeks; we'll talk about things then." Three weeks. Three more weeks. Tears started rolling down Aleks face. He wasn't stupid, three weeks meant his father would just get worse, and the pain would get worse. Three weeks meant no hope at all.

"Nana, do you have medicine?" he pulled his teabag out of the mug and tried to keep the emotion out of his voice. "Papa, tell me the truth, are you in pain?" He had to wait while his father coughed, a wet sound like his lungs were filled and he couldn't clear them. He could hear his father desperately trying to breathe as he coughed again and again. Finally, sounding exhausted he came back on the line.

"I'm sorry, son, can't seem to clear my throat this morning. Now don't you worry, Aleks, I’m fine. I'll see the doctor in three weeks and it'll be ok." Aleks closed his eyes, rocking in the chair, gripping the phone so tight it left marks on his fingers.

"I have some news, Nana," he whispered into the phone. "You are going to come here for treatment. The doctors are better here." He waited for his father to digest what he said but his father didn't respond. "Papa? Nana? Are you there? Did you hear me?"

"I'm here, Aleks. That's very expensive, son. I'm ok, you don't need to worry about me," his father responded sounding deliberately nonchalant.

"Nana, it’s decided, and I can afford it. I want you to come here to see the doctor and get treatment. You'll die if you stay there. You know it even if you don't want to tell me." All his words tumbled out, desperately trying to convince his father.

"Are you paying, little man or is it that Sasha?" He father asked. Aleks could hear the bitterness in his voice.

"Me, Nana, I'm paying for it, I got a bonus at work." Aleks lied to his father, knowing his father would know the truth. He father hesitated for a second, and then answered. "I would like to see you, Aleks," he said wistfully. "Let me think about it, son."

"Alright, Papa. We'll talk later then. I love you." Aleks whispered, tears dripping off his face onto the table. "I'll call you tomorrow so we can talk about the arrangements."

"I'll think about it, son. I love you too." Aleks kept the phone at his ear even after the line disconnected, sobbing voiceless into the dishtowel he had grabbed to wipe his face.

　

******** 

　

When Sasha came home from work, sweating and stinking even in the dead of winter from clearing walks and drives of snow all day, Ethan stripped him and pushed him into a hot shower. "Take your time, get warm, dinner will keep," he said and closed the bathroom door after him. Sasha stood under the hot spray until he could feel his fingers and toes again, ruminating for a moment on the wasteful luxury of all that hot water flowing down the drain and then just let it go and enjoyed the feeling of being taken care of and of being warm. He could smell dinner and soon his empty stomach won over his chilled skin so he turned everything off and wrapped up in the thick towels Ethan had left for him. He walked out of the bedroom, leaving wet outlines of his long, thin feet all the way to the kitchen end of the living space. He stopped a few feet away from the kitchen where Ethan was pouring a pot of pasta into a colander, the steam rising from the sink. For a moment, he saw his Babushka washing cabbage over the tiny sink in her kitchen, her fingers red and raw from years of washing in cold water. Her back was to him but still she knew he was there. "Your chores aren't going to do themselves, boy, get them done." She gruffly demanded. She didn't notice the blood on his mouth, or the purpling of his right eye. He would wash out his underwear before she would notice the blood that stained them. "I brought potatoes, Babushka," he said quietly and set the three potatoes down on the rickety table with its two mismatched chairs. He didn't get a chair; he ate his meal wherever he could sit. She didn't turn and for a moment, he didn't think she would say anything but then, "I told you to do something, boy, do it." Dismissed, Sasha disappeared into the tiny toilet to wash away the cost of the potatoes.

"Sash? I asked you a question, you ok?" Ethan's concerned voice brought him back to his own kitchen, smelling like good food and love. He smiled at Ethan, "Sorry, princess. What?"

"Oh, for Pete's sake Sasha, what are you? Twelve? You've got water all over! Didn't you see I laid out your clothes on the bed? Ethan frowned, gently nagging at him as he grabbed a towel to wipe up the pooling water at Sasha's feet.

"Calm down, baby, it’s just water." Sasha took the towel out his hand and wrapped his arms around Ethan pulling him into his embrace. He ran his tongue across Ethan's lips forcing them apart and then plunged into him, his tongue flicking at Ethan's, his lips holding Ethan's lips open. Ethan resisted a moment then responded wrapping his tongue around Sasha's, relaxing his mouth, letting Sasha have access. It wasn't too long before he was mewing, his cock filling and seeking out Sasha's hardness. Sasha laughed, pushing him back a little, admonishing him, "You are such a horny little slut, princess. I thought we were having dinner?"

Ethan colored red across his cheeks and licked this lips, now slightly swollen. "You do that on purpose," he whined as he tried to grab Sasha back into an embrace. "Down boy; later," Sasha teased him, and slipped away.

"At least go get dressed, Sash, you'll get chilled and then you'll get sick and then you won't be any use to me at all," Ethan teased back, as Sasha crossed back towards the bedroom. "I asked you if you wanted a beer, I'm having wine."

"Beer; wine is for bitches," Sasha called as he disappeared down the hallway towards their bedroom. He didn't hear what Ethan called him as he disappeared into their bedroom to find the jeans and warm sweater that Ethan had laid out for him across their bed.

　

******* 

　

Aleks’ stomach ached but he hadn't eaten in two days and he knew he would be too easily seduced into ignoring it until he was too skinny and panting when he walked. He couldn't let his father see him that way, so he opened a can of soup and warmed it on his little stove. Sitting at his table, sipping at the watery broth, filled with too much salt and too little recognizable meat, he remembered his father's stews. Filled with meat tenderized by slow cooking in a bubbling rich broth, filled with potatoes, carrots and onions. Aleks had thought there was nothing more wonderful in the world. When his father cooked them, he started the day before and left it stewing all through his double shift, telling Aleks when exactly to stir, leaving instructions on a little scrap of paper by the stove. He would instruct Aleks at what time it would be perfectly done, and how to eat it with his half of the little loaf of bread that he had gotten half price next day on his way home the day before. "Its ok if the bread is a little stale, Aleks, it holds up to the gravy better!" he said, when he left for his next shift. "Now you follow my instructions when you get home from school tomorrow and at 6, you have dinner! I will eat when I get home, just turn it off then turn it on low when you go to bed. Understand, little man?" Aleks did what he was told, and at 6 he would ladle out a small portion and the end section of the bread and pretend that his father was sitting across from him and they were enjoying this little bit of heaven on earth together. He would leave the bulk of it for his father, but tell him that he ate until he couldn't eat any more. After cleaning up his dishes, he would set the table for his father, leave him a note thanking him and that he loved him. Then he would finish his homework and fall asleep hours before his father would trudge home from work in the very early hours of the next day.

Aleks barely made it to his little bathroom before he threw up everything he had just forced down. When the heaving stopped, he slid to the cold tile floor and sobbed until the neighbor pounded on the wall screaming to shut the fuck up. Gathering all his strength, he crawled the short distance from the bathroom to his couch and laid down pulling his blanket over his head to try to get warm enough to sleep. As he finally fell into a fitful sleep, he was sure he felt Sasha next to him, holding him to his chest as he did sometimes after fucking him.

When he woke the next day, hours before he had to go to work, he called the number in his phone and left a message. He was tying up his work boots when his phone buzzed with the message, "Three days." He called his father as he hurried out the door, and when his father didn't pick up, he left a message for him, telling him that it would be later in the week and that he would call him with exact times as soon as he had them. He wasn't going to give his father an excuse to beg off. If he was going to sacrifice Sasha, then his father was going to benefit. Hurrying onto work, Aleks never bothered to think if he was doing the right thing. People like him didn't have the luxury of right or wrong, you just did what you had to. Survival was not the same thing as living, his father had said to him many times.

 

******* 

　

Sasha laid on the thick rug in front of the fireplace, his naked feet on the brick hearth, the near empty bottle of his third beer near his head. He had been waiting for Ethan, who had excused himself after dinner to read his emails and pay the monthly bills. When Ethan finally came into the room, Sasha was humming to himself, completely relaxed into the soft rug and slightly buzzed on the beer.

"Hey, baby, my cock was beginning to think you forgot it." When Ethan didn't respond, Sasha opened his eyes to find Ethan red faced and his cheeks wet. He quickly got to his feet and reached for him but Ethan pulled away, angrily backing towards the couch.

"What's wrong, Princess?" he asked, feigning calm.

Ethan struggled to answer, chewing at his lip and not meeting Sasha's eyes. He hugged himself and rocked back and forth like a child, as it took him a few minutes to spit it out.

"Were you fucking him when we were on the Sleipnir?" Sasha stepped forward to take his hand, but Ethan wasn't having any of it, pulled away from him, and hugged his arms to himself. "When were you going to tell me that part of it?"

"What the fuck, Princess, where did that come from?" Sasha demanded his voice raising. Ethan looked up at him, accusingly.

"Doesn't matter where it came from, I want to know if it's true!" Ethan's voice rose in pitch as he was close to shouting. Sasha scowled and advanced toward Ethan who backed himself up again, staying out of range.

"Ethan, knock this off, I don't know who stirred your pot but stop being such a stupid bitch!"

Sasha was taken off guard as Ethan advanced and swung at him, "You son of a bitch, you lying son of a bitch!" Sasha caught his fist and held it fast, getting into his face, pulling him close and holding him tightly against him. Ethan was trembling all over, close to completely losing it, panting so hard he was struggling to catch his breath.

"Damn it, baby, stop fucking around! You're blowing this all out of proportion!"

"Let me go, Sash, fucking let me go! I trusted you; you never bothered to mention that you were fucking that piece of shit every chance you got! People saw you; Encke told Keeler that he saw you all the fucking time! Were you going to just go on letting me think my dad had it in for you? Maybe he is just trying to protect me from someone like..."

Sasha pushed Ethan's fist away and snarled, "Like the faggot gypsy trash you are fucking engaged to?" They stared at each other, until Sasha smirked and shook his head. "Yeah, well, fuck that, _Princess!_ " Ethan flinched away from him as he stalked past him, pulled open the coat closet and grabbed his jacket, threw it on and yanked the front door open, slamming it hard behind him. He could hear Ethan's wailing behind him, but as the elevator doors closed behind him, it faded out. When he reached the street level, he broke into a run, the bitter cold slashing at his face.

As he ran, pulling his breaths in so hard that his chest ached, his mind was a jumble of pain and accusations. He hated Ethan for being so fucking nosy, hated himself for not trusting him enough, hated Keeler for planting that seed of doubt in Ethan, hated himself for ever touching Aleks, hated life for just punching all the goodness and hope right out of his gut. He ran, driven forward by a white bright pain filling his muscles, his lungs, and his heart until he felt like his head would explode. He ran until his legs locked up and he stumbled falling forward catching himself on his knees and hands, tearing them on the rough sidewalk. Falling forward he howled out in anguish. He collapsed, howling into the silence, the snow falling silently around him. Curled over, with his forehead on the icy sidewalk, he wept with growing intensity, his whole body shaking, as his heart shattered into sharp shreds of loving Ethan. Sasha couldn't bear it; he couldn't bear living without Ethan. He cursed and bargained with anything that would listen until the snot and tears froze on his cheeks and the sidewalk where they had dripped. His heart felt empty; he was alone, cold, and lost. Ethan wasn't going to come find him and make him warm again this time. He had managed to fuck up things past saving this time. Just like he knew he would. Damaged goods cannot save themselves, they just fucking damage everything in their path, eventually taking every thing down to their level. He had been fucking stupid to even think there was any hope for him. Wallowing in self pity, Sasha rocked back on his heels, wiped his face on his sleeve and looked around.

It was dark, cold, and getting colder. His jacket wasn't going to protect him for long; he needed to find a warm bar, somewhere where he could drown himself. His lungs were raw; he needed a cigarette badly. He started walking south, towards the resemblance of home, his real home, not the warm comfort of a made up life with Ethan, but the grey and unforgiving world where he belonged. He shoved his hands deep into his pockets and propelled himself forward, seeing some flickering lights in the distance, hoping that it was someplace where he and a bottle of vodka could figure out what he was going to do next.

　

******** 

　

Aleks, exhausted after a long demanding shift at work, noticed the late model car parked in front of his apartment building as he walked from the bus stop. He was cautious when he opened the front door and quietly walked up the three flights to his floor. He saw the expensive boots before the skinny legs, nervously shifting one to the other in front of his door as he came up the steps two at a time. He waited a moment, not sure if he should just go back downstairs and wait until the unfamiliar man was gone. Then sizing up the man in the expensive wool coat and knitted hat who was looking horribly out of place in his grimy, run down building, he could tell he was no physical threat. When the stair creaked and the man spun around towards it, Aleks sucked in his breath sharply, his jaw fell open. The blond hair didn't have the green tinges on the edges like they did in the service, but he'd know Abel anywhere. The scar crossing his upper and lower lips confirmed it could be no one else. As he stepped up the last stair to the hallway, Abel stilled and stared at Aleks as if he was trying to place him.

"Deimos?" Ethan asked, sounding unsure of himself.

Aleks nodded suddenly aware that it was just the two of them in the dim hallway. Abel hesitantly stuck out his hand. Aleks just looked at it, then at Ethan, not knowing what to make of it. Then he noticed Ethan's red rimmed eyes and that he was trembling. He wondered briefly, what Sasha had done to him to make Ethan look so destroyed. He stared at Ethan's outstretched hand but didn't take it, instead narrowing his eyes at him. If Ethan was standing in front of his apartment door, then Sasha knew he had not gone back to the colony. Ethan's father was right; Sasha knew he was waiting and had abandoned him anyway.

"I'm...I'm sorry to bother you, this was a bad idea. I'm sorry," Ethan pulled back his hand when Aleks didn’t take it and instead put it in his pocket and pulled out a wadded up tissue to wipe at his nose. Putting his head down, he stepped around Aleks and headed towards the stairway. Aleks wasn’t ready to let him go, so he reached out and put his hand on Ethan's shoulder.

"Why are you here? Where is Sasha?" demanded Aleks.

Ethan's voice was full of emotion as he quietly answered. "I don't know, I thought he might be here."

Aleks stared at him as the meaning of what Ethan just said sank in. He thought for a moment, trying to decide what to do with this shivering and crying man, then he turned and opened the lock on his door and swung it open, "Come in." When Ethan only turned around not raising his eyes, Aleks reached for him, grasped his hand and pulled him forward, "Come on, you look like you could use something warm." Ethan allowed himself to be led into Aleks’ apartment.

Ethan looked around at the dark little room, neat but shabby with the cups lined up neatly on a little shelf above the sink, but the wallpaper peeling at the edge of the high ceiling. Everything seemed to be in one room and when Aleks caught him staring, he nodded towards the little toilet, "Head is over there if you need it."

Ethan just shook his head and unbuttoned his coat. "You might want to leave that on, I don't turn up the heat unless it's less than ten degree's outside."

"Oh, ok, thanks."

Aleks studied Ethan’s slumped shoulders and his nervous sighing while he boiled the water. He put the little teabags in the two mugs to seep, and then sat down across from Ethan. Ethan was staring at the teabag floating in the steaming water, still shivering but Aleks wasn’t sure if it was the cold or nervousness. Maybe both. He dunked his teabag several times until the water turned brown and smelled of the rich black tea he liked to drink. His father had sent him a box for Christmas, he had intended on making it last, but thought Ethan would think him too weird if they shared a teabag. He blew across his mugs, brought it to his mouth and sipped before setting it back down, still too hot to drink comfortably.

Ethan was silent. Aleks tried to stay in control but he was confused and agitated by Ethan’s presence. He had no idea what it meant. For him or for his father. If Sasha and Ethan broke up, then Ethan’s father would have no use for him, and his father would surely die. He leaned close enough for Ethan to hear and whispered.

“Abel?"

Ethan looked up startled for a moment, “Ethan. Please call me Ethan.”

Aleks didn’t want to feel sorry for this rich privileged young man, but for a few moments, he thought about how it felt to be left behind by Sasha. Everyone was kind to someone like Ethan, even someone like himself whom life had never shown any kindness. Aleks grew angry with himself for thinking of Ethan’s feelings when no one ever thought of his. He didn’t think Sasha even knew he had feelings. Ethan’s eyes were bloodshot from crying, the skin below his nose raw and red from wiping at it. He looked haggard. Aleks recognized himself in the hunched over figure sitting across from him in his kitchen. No one else would really understand what it felt like to be hurt by Sasha, not even this sad, beautiful boy who was hurting so hard. 

“Why did you think Sasha would be here? Did he say he was coming here?” Aleks asked cautiously trying to find out if Sasha had talked about him.

“I can’t find him anywhere, he wasn’t at his usual places and no one had seen him. He forgot his phone, he doesn’t have any gloves, and I...” Ethan broke down, covering his face with his hands. Aleks sat back and sipped at his tea, listening to Ethan softly weep. He knew what this felt like.

“Look, I should go, I’m sorry, I should have never bothered you. You have no reason to help me; he’s been horrible to you. I’m sorry for that. I thought he had changed, but after tonight...I’m so confused.” Ethan scooted out his chair but Aleks reached across the table and covered his hand to keep him at the table.

“What do you mean he’s been horrible to me?” Aleks was wary now, not sure what Ethan knew, if anything, about him and Sasha. “Sit and drink your tea at least.”

"He told me that he told you to wait for him, back when we... when the Reliant was reassigned." Ethan said softly, miserable in Sasha's sins. Aleks sat back and studied Ethan for a moment. Fighters were told navigators were weak but smart. On the battlefield that had proven to be a half truth, navigators for the most part were not weak, but they were also not as smart as the fighters had been led to believe. Aleks knew better than anyone that falling love with Sasha was not a smart thing to do. The unhappy young man sitting at his kitchen table apparently wasn't smart enough to let Sasha go. Aleks hardened his resolve as he realized he could use that to his advantage.

"I thought maybe he might come here, we had a bad fi...argument. I said some things I shouldn't have. " Ethan admitted sadly.

Aleks got up and put the kettle on again, thinking for a minute of what he needed to do. He had to do what he could to try to save his father from the horrible death he could expect if he was left on the colony. He had to somehow get Sasha and Ethan back together, at least for a few days until the interview.

"He's never contacted me." he admitted.

Ethan sighed quietly, his relief palpable. Aleks sat back down and put his teabag back into his cup. "Would you like another cup? I'm going to have one."

Ethan was relieved that Sasha wasn't there. Ethan had a hard time seeing the weary young man sitting across from him in a frayed sweater, drinking tea with him, as a threat. Frantically, he tried to think back to their service and what he knew about Deimos but couldn’t remember much of anything. He was always there but kept to the shadows, so Ethan had never noticed him. Quiet, smaller than the other fighters, he kept to himself. Nothing like Sasha or for that matter Encke or the other fighters.

Nevertheless, Sash had been adamant that his father was using Aleks in some way to drive them apart. Ethan had to admit that Sasha was very rarely wrong.

Ethan stared at Aleks, and really looked at him this time. They couldn't be any more different. Aleks was even thinner than he remembered him, although he didn‘t remember him well. He had black hair like Sasha’s that he wore long, falling over the side of his face as if he was trying to hide. His work clothes were nothing fancy but in good repair. The whole apartment was like that, shabby around the edges but neat and clean like Aleks took good care of what he had even though he didn’t have much. He had beautiful grey eyes and long delicate fingers. Everything about Aleks was graceful, he moved like a dancer, even his voice was soft and pliant.

"Yes, please." Ethan put his teabag back in the cup and Aleks poured the steaming water over it. His movements were fluid, cat like. Ethan wasn't sure if there was more than the circumstances of their upbringing that brought Sasha and Aleks together. He didn't want to imagine this lithe frame under Sasha, legs wrapped around his waist, Sasha's tongue forcing its way between the delicate thin lips. They were at a standstill, both of them uneasy with each other. Aleks frightened because if Sasha had already left Ethan then he had nothing to offer to Ethan’s father. Ethan sensing something else he just wasn't picking up on in Aleks solicitous mannerism.

A buzz startled them as they sat looking at each other. Aleks pulled a phone from his inside pocket and peering curiously at the number flashing on the screen as he opened it, "Da? Is that you Natasha? Why...?” Ethan watched Aleks' face as his eyebrows knitted together. As he stood up and paced into the living area, he turned his back to Ethan. "Slow down Tasha, where is Nana now?" Silence while Ethan listened to the one sided conversation. "What does the doctor say? What do you mean no one has seen him yet? Fuck that; get a doctor to see him, Tasha!" Aleks’ breathing became ragged and Ethan could see him beginning to shake as he listened and then demanded to the person on the other end of the phone. "Ok, ok...tell him I love him, and fucking call me back after he gets back from x-ray!" Aleks listened again and then startled Ethan by yelling into the phone, "I can't Tasha, you fucking know that! I don’t have the money and it takes three days to even get an emergency visa! Oh fuck, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you!” Aleks, bent over now, unable to hide his sobs. “Please don’t tell him that, Tasha! I don’t want to worry him!”

Ethan got up from the chair, took the phone from his hand and spoke into it. "Hi, this is Ethan; Aleks is too upset to talk; who is this?" The voice on the other end was female with a much heavier colony accent than Sasha or even Aleks had. The phone connection was poor and faded in and out; he had to listen closely to understand her.

"Ethan? Sasha's Ethan?" the voice on the other end questioned in amazement. "This is Natasha, Sasha's sister. May I speak with him?"

"Sasha isn't here. Aleks can’t speak right now“.

Ethan responded, patting Aleks’ back as he collapsed into the couch, head bowed, shaking in quiet sobs.

"Tell Aleks I'll call him back when I know more. Do you know when Aleks has arranged to bring his father there?" Ethan paused, uncertain of what she was asking. "Aleks, she wants to know when you are bringing your father here."

Aleks reached over and took the phone out of Ethan's hand, "Tasha, call me back when the doctors talk to you and I'll tell you then, please. Thank you for helping him...yes, yes I will, bye, now." With a click, he closed his phone.

Ethan went to the kitchen table, picked up the cup of tea, and brought it over to Aleks who was sitting hunched over shaking. Aleks ignored him, and turned away not wanting Ethan to see him cry.

"I'm sorry, is there something I can do?"

Aleks suddenly jumped up, his hand over his mouth, shoved Ethan aside and dashed to the bathroom, barely threw open the lid before he violently vomited. Ethan hurried to the door and found Aleks hunched over the toilet. Aleks was gasping in pain, clutching his stomach and the side of the toilet as his stomach spasmed uncontrollably. Ethan bent over him, gently gathered his long black hair, and pulled it behind him, placing a hand on his back, rubbing circles gently; murmuring nonsense to soothe him. "It’s alright, it'll be alright, shhhh...calm down." Aleks collapsed to his knees, gasping for air as his stomach muscles twisted. Ethan stayed with him, rubbing at his back and sat on the broken tile floor then pulled Aleks into his lap. Aleks curled up like a child, holding onto Ethan, weeping uncontrollably. "I can't, I can't...” he choked out. Ethan just rocked him, hoping the rhythm would soothe Aleks and calm him down. It seemed an eternity on the cold floor, his back propped up again the grungy wall, holding Aleks whose violent shaking finally slowed, the weeping turning to sobs, then eventually ragged breathing and sniffles. For a moment, Ethan thought Aleks had fallen asleep or maybe he had fallen asleep so he was startled when Aleks whispered into his chest, "My papa...my nana is dying. I didn't know what else to do, I'm so sorry."

Ethan didn't look at him or loosen his grasp but whispered back. "Sash told me he thought my father had contacted you. Did he?" Aleks was silent for a while, then placing a hand on Ethan's chest, he gently pushed himself out of Ethan's lap and sat up next to him leaning against the wall. Ethan reached out and grasped his hand, and Aleks let him.

"Da. Your father...I’m sorry, I don't want my father to die," Aleks hung his head, ashamed and desolate. "Your father promised me he would bring him here for treatment."

Ethan sighed and squeezed Aleks hand, "What does he want you to do?"

Aleks took a big breath in and blew it out, shaky still. He didn't know what to do. Guilt and shame were like a black cloud mudding up his thinking. Sitting in the chill of this little room, warmed by the person Sasha had chosen to give his life to made his heart heavy and all he wanted to do was weep. Ethan sat close to him, and put his arm around him, holding his hand while Aleks tried to catch his breath and figure out what to do.

"It's alright Aleks; everything is going to be ok. What does my father want you to do?" Ethan prodded him gently while he kept him wrapped in protective arms. Aleks seemed so fragile, so emotionally beaten; Ethan's anger and outrage grew as Aleks quietly told Ethan about the plot that his father had constructed. Near the end, when Aleks' festering pain from Sasha's abandonment came to the surface and broke open, he dissolved into tears again. Ethan stood up and pulled Aleks to his feet, propelled him into the living room and sat him down on the little couch. Aleks just stared into space, sniffling and coughing occasionally while Ethan quietly took off his shoes then pushed Aleks down, covering him with the blanket, he found neatly folded near the couch. "You sleep for a while, you're exhausted. I'm going to step out into the hall, call Sasha’s sister back, and check on your dad. When you wake up, we are going to go find Sasha. Understand?"

Aleks looked up under heavy eyelids at Ethan, standing straighter and stronger than when he showed up on Aleks' doorstep. It was easy to see what appealed to Sasha; Ethan was strong in all the ways Sasha pretended to be. Somehow, that brought him a sense of peace about Sasha, that maybe Sasha deserved some happiness too. When Aleks fell asleep, Ethan made sure he was covered against the cool of the apartment then took Aleks' phone to call Natasha back.

She was confused for a moment, then listened to what Ethan had to say, and agreed to make the arrangements on her end. Aleks’ father would be in treatment by the end of the week. Ethan switched over to his phone, called his doctor, explained the situation to her and she agreed to arrange to have Aleks’ father admitted to the local university hospital right from the airport. Then Ethan called the colony charter and purchased a ticket on a medical emergency visa, then called his doctor back with the flight information. With her verifying the medical necessity, and a large amount of money from his trust fund, within an hour, he had effectively pulled the rug out from underneath his father.

His father. Ethan leaned against the doorframe of Aleks’ apartment, rubbing at his eyes; tired of weeping. His whole life had been one humiliation after another at the hand of his own father. Underhanded subterfuge to make sure that Ethan always questioned himself; that he never felt good enough, that he always felt worthless. It was Sasha that made Ethan come to know his own power, as a man and as a partner. Sasha, for all his many faults, sought out the strong part of Ethan, the part that brought passion into their lives. Ethan stubbornly refused to believe Sasha was anything other than a good person and a good man. Unlike his father, Ethan forgave Sasha's weaknesses and instead held Sasha accountable for his choices. He believed in Sasha; his love was unconditional even when he wanted to strangle him with his bare hands. The price he had to pay to earn his fathers love, his dignity and self worth, was too great. In Ethan's heart, he knew that meant his father truly did not love him.

Opening the door, he let himself back into the dim apartment then gently shook Aleks awake. In the moment before he startled awake, Aleks’ sleeping face looked sweet and vulnerable. Ethan wondered if that vulnerability was what Sasha was attracted to. Ethan sat down very close to him and held his hand. When Ethan finished telling Aleks what he had done and what they were going to do next, Aleks, overwhelmed with gratitude threw his arms around Ethan. They sat that way for a few minutes then Ethan handed him his boots. "Now we go find Sasha," he said as he pushed himself off the couch and waited for Aleks to join him.

　

　

　


	9. Chapter 9

Sasha didn't look up as he gazed into the foul gutter; clogged with leaves, trash and something he really didn't want to think about, when they found him. He was hunched over, hair plastered down his neck, shivering, hands up under his armpits. Ethan sighed and sat down next to him, placing his feet so he avoided the water. Aleks hesitated but when Ethan motioned him to sit, he sank down on Sasha's left, a little farther away from Sasha than Ethan. The three of them sat there, without talking. The music and chatter from the bar behind them, spilled out every time someone opened the door to fall out or go in. They could hear laughter and then raised voices for a few minutes. Silence, and then laughter again. Ethan couldn't understand what they were saying in their colony dialects that included a smattering of butchered Russian colored with gypsy curses. When suddenly the voices escalated and became angry sounding both Sasha and Aleks jerked their heads towards it at the same time. Sasha sneaked a look at Aleks who reddened and looked away. Then Sasha turned back, staring blankly into the street.

"So, Sash, what are we doing?" Ethan asked him, barely a whisper. Sasha turned at his voice, his face ashen, even in the glow of the lights from inside the bar. Ethan was alarmed that Sasha's eyes glittered in the streetlight, full of tears.

"Baby, can I come home? I want to go home." He begged hoarsely, his voice broken.

Ethan grasped his hand. He could feel Sasha trembling. His hand felt rough, and when he turned it over the palm was skinned up, the blood dried. Sasha raised his head and quietly answered Ethan‘s question before he asked it, "I wasn't fighting. I fell."

Ethan kissed one palm, then took the other one. "We need to get you home, you’re freezing."

Sasha turned his head towards Aleks, who hesitantly met his gaze. Sasha could see the deep sadness in his eyes. "We?" Sasha asked without turning away. Ethan stood and positioned his arm under Sasha's. Aleks instinctively reached forward to help him up when Sasha wavered as he stood. Sasha hissed and pulled his arm away; Aleks jumped back and looked stricken up at Ethan.

Ethan brought his head down to Sasha's ear and whispered, "Sasha, we're all tired and cold. I need Aleks to help me get you home. Please trust me."

Sasha rested his forehead against Ethan's lips and sniffled. "Aw, Sash, please don't, it's ok, I'll take you home."

Sasha reached his arm around Ethan neck, his voice horse, "You shouldn't. You deserve better than my sorry gypsy ass, princess."

Ethan, angered by Sasha falling back to the passive aggressive manipulation as he resorted to when he had fucked up and wanted Ethan to feel sorry for him, shoved Sasha’s arm off of him. "Sasha damn it, stop feeling sorry for yourself, you fucked up, I fucked up. Let's go home; it's too fucking cold out here to listen to your drunk ass bullshit." Aleks' eyes flew open, shocked at Ethan’s bitter harshness. He waved Aleks forward to take Sasha's other arm and help support him as he stood. Ethan pulled Sasha firmly towards the block where they left the car.

"Didn't drink, baby, didn't even go in," Sasha muttered as they half carried, half drug him down the street. Ethan heard him but ignored what Sasha was mumbling. He just couldn't deal with anything else and he couldn't afford to break down now. All he wanted was to get Sasha home and they could sort things out in the morning. He opened the car doors with the remote when they had the car in sight. Aleks hurried ahead and opened the front passenger seat for Ethan, who pushed Sasha into the car then reached around and put his seat belt on. Aleks got into the back while Ethan walked around the back to the driver's side and slid into the seat. He started the engine and asked, “Did you hurt anything else besides your hands?"

Sasha listlessly rolled his head on the back of the seat, "Knees and my ankle maybe, its fucking on fire," he mumbled. Ethan sighed as he pulled out into the street and headed for home.

They were silent on the way back and Aleks was so tired, had trouble staying awake. Ethan looked up in the mirror at him to see him fighting nodding off. "Hey, close your eyes; I'll wake you when we get there." Aleks smiled back to him without thinking about it and nodded in agreement. He wanted, he _needed_ , to believe Ethan’s kindness was genuine. In a second, he had slipped into sleep and all that Ethan could hear was his gentle breathing.

Ethan kept his eyes on the road; he'd managed to keep it together while they scoured every gypsy bar for blocks from the condominium. He was amazed that Sasha had managed to go so far, way south in some blue collar neighborhood on the edge of the slums Aleks lived in.

"I didn't drink," Sasha offered quietly.

"I don't want to talk about it right now, Sasha." Ethan snapped at him while he focused on the road ahead. Guilt washed over him but he quickly shook it off. Anger was safer than the weeping that he wanted to do so he just kept his eyes on the road, gripping the wheel until he thought his fingers would break off. All his emotions were crashing down around him; he had been so terrified that he wouldn't find him at the same time terrified that he would find him in Aleks' arms. Sasha didn't say anything else during the drive home, just slumped in the seat, his eyes closed. Finally, they were home and Ethan pulled the car into their space in the garage. The car coming to a halt woke Aleks. For a moment, he didn't remember where he was. Ethan glanced back at him and asked, "Would you please help me get him inside?" Aleks nodded and undid his seat belt. Ethan got out; Aleks did as well. Ethan opened Sasha's door and asked, "Sash, do you need help or do you think you can make it?" Sasha swung his legs out and Ethan noticed the blackness of the knees of Sasha's jeans where red raw skin showed through tatters. "Oh, Sash, sweetheart, you really torn them up."

He carefully moved a piece of jean aside, causing Sasha to hiss in pain. "I'm all right, just help me to get the fuck out of here; I can fucking walk by myself."

Ethan helped him out of the car then Sasha shrugged him off and limped to the door. Aleks grabbed his pack, closed the doors of the car then followed Ethan who hurried after Sasha as he headed to the elevator.

It was a quiet ride up the elevator to their condo. Sasha didn't look up at either of them while Ethan and Aleks traded glances until the elevator stopped at their floor. Ethan walked ahead, opened the door to their condo then stepped aside as Sasha limped through it. Aleks panicked and froze in the hallway just outside the door until Ethan reached for his hand and pulled him in. "Make yourself comfortable, I'm going to get him settled. I'll be right back."

Ethan hurried though the expansive room, turning on lights as he followed Sasha. He disappeared down a hallway and Aleks heard a door being closed leaving him still standing awkwardly in the entryway with his bag in his hand. Aleks looked around the large long room edged across with width of it by a bank of floor to ceiling windows. The floors were a dark wood, shiny enough to mirror himself. There were several couches and chairs all white and grey with pops of red every so often to soften the sharp modern angles. On one end of the room was what he guessed to be a fireplace faced with black glass. In front of it was a white fluffy rug, ridiculously shaggy like the skin of a large animal, the only comfortable thing in the room, he thought. Taking his boots off at the door as to not scuff the shiny floor, Aleks carefully crossed the room, afraid that his colonial roughness would somehow damage this carefully designed space. Aleks had only seen something like this once, he thought, in a photograph on Commander Bering's office wall, his pretty wife and daughter in holiday dresses, beaming out at the man whose cock was planted firmly down Aleks' throat.

There didn't appear to be much of Sasha in this room, but when he reached the windows and looked out into the night sky, he understood why Sasha would have been comfortable here. Up here, you could see stars; it was like being back in space. Sasha would feel grounded here. Aleks turned from the window and noticed the kitchen on the far left side. Glowing softly with under the cabinet lights, the custom made old forest wood cabinets and glossy marble counter top looked just like he had thought it would while back in his dreary little kitchen as he was being woven into Ethan's father's web. It seemed so long ago that he had imagined Sasha fucking Ethan up against the cabinets, bent over the marble counter. He shook his head to clear it; he didn't want to think about that now. The kitchen was warm and inviting, Aleks wanted to sit in one of the high chairs, drink tea and pretend he belonged there. The longing to belong in such a place brought tears to his eyes. He swallowed convulsively trying not to cry. This was Ethan and Sasha's home, and he had no idea why he was here.

"I'm sorry, I wanted to get him into the tub; he's a mess." Aleks jumped and whirled around as Ethan startled him. Ethan was surprised at the embarrassment that flushed across Aleks cheeks but he ignored it and reached out for Aleks' bag. Aleks hadn't realized he was still carrying it as he released it into Ethan's hand.

"Do you want anything? Something to eat or some water? I could make you tea?" he asked, "Or would you just like to sleep? You look so tired."

Aleks shook his head at the offer, he wasn't sure he could hold anything down. "No, thank you, just sleep." Ethan smiled at him, took his hand with the empty one and led him away from the kitchen to a small hallway he hadn't noticed to the left of it. "There is a guest room here with its own bath. I'm afraid we hardly use it, but people say it's comfortable." Ethan opened a door into a room the size of Aleks' entire apartment. He turned on a lamp just inside the door that bathed the room in soft light. Unlike the living room, this seemed cozy, the walls soft grey, the bed comfortable looking covered in a darker grey quilt. Ethan sat Aleks' bag on the bed, opened another door and flipped on the light. "The bath; feel free to use anything there. Let me know if you don't find what you need. There's a robe in the closet for you, unless you brought...." He looked into Aleks' face that had gone soft as Aleks fought to keep his eyes open. "I'm sorry, you're exhausted and I'm rambling." He reached to Aleks and gently pulled him into a hug. Aleks allowed himself to be drawn into those soothing arms; he wanted to cry at the warmth of them. "Sleep as long as you want, help yourself to anything you want. I'm going to go see to Sash." Then closing the door behind him, Ethan was gone.

Aleks stood for a moment, overwhelmed, out of place and frightened that when he woke up he would be in his shabby cold apartment waiting for his father to die. Finally, he pulled the quilt aside, lay down in his clothes and fell asleep with the lights still on.

Ethan turned off lights as he crossed back towards their bedroom, and closed the door behind him. Aleks would wait for morning; Sasha was waiting for him now.

He turned the facets on to add hot water to the lukewarm bath that Sasha was still sitting in, eyes closed, head back against the edge of the tub. "Sit up and I'll wash your hair," he said quietly. Sasha opened one eye and shook his head, "Baby, I'm so tired." Ethan nodded and turned off the facet then opened the drain. "Stand up then, I'll dry you off." Sasha did as he was told, like a chastised child. Ethan was careful to not brush up against his torn knees as he toweled him dry. He helped Sasha out of the tub, wrapped him in a towel and led him by the hand to their bed. He had already turned down the comforter and sheets but Sasha balked before getting into it. "My knees are bleeding, baby; it'll ruin your sheets."

Ethan sat him down on the edge of the bed then went back into the bath for the first aid kit. He knelt in front of Sasha and took out a couple of gauze pads. He hesitated trying to catch his breath and not burst into tears. He rested his forehead on one of Sasha’s thighs.

"Our sheets, Sash. They are _our_ sheets. This is _our_ bed, _our_ bedroom, _our_ home, _our fucking life!_ How long is it going to take for you to fucking get that?"

He stayed where he was as they sat in silence, Ethan's tears running down the side of Sasha’s leg. Finally, Sasha ran his fingers through the fine blond hair and pulled him up carefully. Ethan swallowed, wiped the wetness from his face and sat back to bandage Sasha's knees. He covered the ragged skin then he put the box aside and eased Sasha down into the bed. He turned off the lights and crawled in next to him. Sasha reached for him with his warm strong arms and wrapped them around him then pulled Ethan back into his body; securing him tightly against him, as if he was afraid to let him go. Ethan snuggled back against him, his ass cradled in Sasha’s crotch and whispered sleepily, “Its ok, Sash, we’re ok, I’m not going anywhere.”

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything belongs to Hamlet Machine.

Morning brought confusion and silence. Sasha sat at the kitchen bar bringing his mug up to his lips every so often to suck down the sweetened coffee Ethan had made for him. At the other end of the counter Aleks sat stiff and wary, drinking the steaming mug of tea, sneaking a forlorn look at Sasha every so often.

Ethan leaned with his back against the sink across from them and eyed both of them, wondering what it was going to take to get them to talk to each other. Finally, he sighed as he pushed himself away from the counter and said, "Ok then, I'm going out to pick up something for breakfast."

Sasha glanced up at him, raising his eyebrows in an unspoken question and Ethan nodded his head towards Aleks who studied his tea as if he'd never seen tea before.

Sasha thought back to earlier that morning as they had slowly roused themselves out of sleep. Sasha listened patiently as Ethan repeated the conversation with Aleks the day before. He told Sasha what he had arranged for Aleks’ father who would be arriving later in the day. Sasha had kissed the tears off Ethan's face as he told Sasha what his father had done and what he was going to have to do about it. When Sasha had moved to lower his pajama bottoms Ethan had stopped him. "I'm not ready, Sash."

Sasha respected him without question. He would do anything he had to do in order to wake up with Ethan in his arms every day for the rest of his life. He'd fucked things up enough; he was drained from the constant battle within himself. He just wanted to live his life in peace with Ethan at his side. They had laid there in each other's arms until they heard water run in the kitchen and had assumed Aleks was awake.

Sasha snapped back to attention when Ethan asked, "How about donuts? After yesterday, I need something sweet and fattening. Sasha, you want the usual?"

"Yeah, baby, that's fine," Sasha, answered without looking up.

Ethan walked to the closet, slipped on his jacket then pulled on his boots, and opened the door. "Aleks? What about you? What do you like?"

"Anything chocolate," Sasha answered for Aleks without looking at him. "He likes chocolate." Ethan stared at the two of them sitting at either end of the breakfast bar as if they needed the safe distance between them.

"All right then. While I'm gone, would you two please try to talk to each other? This isn't over by any means and if both of you are going to be of some use to me and to Aleks’ father, then you need to be speaking to each other. Sasha, don't be stupid, please. For me? Please?" he implored Sasha as he closed the door behind him.

There were several minutes of silence before Sasha exclaimed, "Fuck this shit!", got up from the stool, carried his coffee into the living room and sat down on one of the couches. Aleks stayed where he was, unsure of what to do; too scared to say anything to Sasha. Aleks was fearful of the man who was once the boy that he loved; but had become the man who left him for someone else. He wasn't sure he recognized this Sasha; so lost in love with Ethan. He was jealous of the gentle affection between them; Sasha had never given him anything but the razor edge of his wrath.

"Why are you _fucking_ here? Why are you _fucking_ up my life?" Sasha snarled angrily, startling Aleks who knocked his mug of tea over. Aleks slipped off the stool, trembling and quickly pulled a paper towel off the rack to wipe up the spill.

"Get your damn ass over here!" Sasha roughly demanded. His voice beckoned Aleks and though Sasha had wounded him badly, it was a struggle to not obey. Aleks hesitated and gripped the back of the stool so tightly that his fingers were white and bloodless. He fought with himself to get control. Sasha watched with interest as Aleks attempted to find the strength to resist.

"Aleks, I _fucking_ told you to get your ass over here! You _fucking_ do what you’re told!" Sasha barked out again.

Aleks knew this Sasha. Demanding and dangerous, his anger out of control. The other one, the one who had pleaded with Ethan, hunched over in desperation, was not the Sasha who ignored him as he begged him to wait their first time. _That_ Sasha held him down, forced his cock into him and tore him. Nor was it the Cain who held him by the throat and bit at his nipples until they bled. Three years of Ethan had changed him. Aleks didn't know this man, helpless in the presence of his lover. Nevertheless, Ethan trusted him, and right now Aleks had to trust Ethan. He took a deep breath then pushed himself off the safety of the stool and walked to the opposite couch and sat across from Sasha. He cautiously waited, not knowing what to say. Sasha had always taken the lead, was always in control and Aleks never wanted to know anything else.

"Why are you here, myshonok?" Sasha sounded unhappy and wouldn’t meet his eyes. Tears welled in his eyes when Sasha used the pet name he had given Aleks when they were boys This was too hard, Aleks thought, he wanted to be a boy again.

"You told me to wait for you, Sasha.” Aleks sorrowfully responded. “I've been waiting."

Sasha's head snapped up, his eyes wide and flashed with fury. "You've been fucking waiting for me for _three fucking years?_ ”Sasha shot to his feet, enraged. Aleks' gut tightened and his mouth went dry as fear kicked him into gear.

Sasha wanted to be unbelieving but he knew the truth, of course, Aleks _had_ waited. Aleks did whatever he told him to do, without question. Little Aleks, who had felt sorry for the wounded boy Sasha, had been. Aleks had only wanted to be his friend until Sasha had made it into something very different. Myshonok who took the brunt of Sasha's rage and learned to crave it. Aleks would accept whatever pain, whatever humiliation Sasha doled out as long as Sasha stayed beside him.

Sasha's temper flashed out of control as he stood and pulled his hand back ready to strike Aleks. Sasha felt like he was moving in slow motion as he focused on Aleks, who cringed away from him. In a moment of clarity, he saw Aleks as if he was seeing him for the first time. Fragile, too fucking skinny, Sasha thought. Aleks' collarbone jutted at sharp angles above his collar, thin wrists drowning in the cuff's of Ethan's borrowed shirt. His face was ghostly pale, cheeks sunken, his lips cracked from biting at them. Aleks' eyes were red rimmed, bloodshot and haunted. "Did I do this?" Sasha wondered sadly.

In that moment, when Sasha hesitated, Aleks attacked. He reached across the space between them and slapped Sasha hard across the mouth. Blood flew from Sasha's mouth and his eyes widened in shock then narrowed threateningly at Aleks. Aleks stared in horror at Sasha, blood running from his mouth. He wasn't sure what had just happened, but there was the evidence of Sasha's blood on his hand.

"Done, _bitch_?" Sasha snarled out as he wiped the blood on his lips off on the back of his hand and advanced towards Aleks.

"No!" Aleks swung his fist again, as hard as he could, making contact with Sasha's nose. _"You bastard! You abandoned me, you son of a bitch!"_ Aleks screeched at him. The second strike pushed Sasha back down onto the couch. For several uneasy seconds Sasha starred incredulously at Aleks, then down at the growing stain on his shirt as blood poured from his nose. Aleks eyes glittered with rage and he couldn't seem to catch his breath. Horrified at what he had done he froze starring back at Sasha.

Sasha sucked at the blood on his mouth then pushed himself off the couch, his arm shot across the width of the coffee table and he grabbed Aleks by the shirt. Aleks pulled away in terror as Sasha tightened his grip and pulled him bodily towards him, across the table. Aleks fought wildly, feet kicking at the table, fingers trying to pry Sasha's fingers loose but he couldn't pull himself out of Sasha's grip. _"No! No! You fucking leave me alone, I don't belong to you anymore!"_ he screamed, twisting in Sasha's hold.

"Hold still you fucking little freak!" Sasha snarled, pulling his arms up high; pinning him against the arm of the couch. "I swear to Mother, if you fucking get hard, I'll rip your throat out, you sick little _bitch_!" Sasha threatened as he threw his weight across Aleks to hold him down.

Aleks howled in humiliation as, much to his disgust, Aleks felt himself getting hard. Sasha knew so many of his secrets and used them to manipulate him into obedience. He was waited for three years to be right where he was, underneath Sasha, desperate for him. Aleks recoiled in revulsion as suddenly his pathetic addiction to Sasha's meager attention became crystal clear. He looked up into Sasha's dark eyes and didn't see any part of himself in them.

Somehow in that clarity he drew out some faint self preservation, sucked all the white hot pain from his heart that had festered there for three years then channeled his rage into his knees, brought them up from underneath and slammed them into Sasha's balls.

Sasha was still for a moment then sucked a deep breath in and held it. Then all hell broke loose as Sasha slid backwards off Aleks and roared, "Mother fucking... ** _FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!_** ”

Aleks scampered away from him as Sasha hunched over, panting in pain, cradling his balls. Sasha, his face ashen and greenish, coughed roughly unable to straighten up but was still able to throw his hand out to snag Aleks’ ankle. He pulled forcefully and Aleks fell forward. He kicked at Sasha but Sasha simply tightened his hold on Aleks’ ankle then pulled him bodily up from the floor where he had landed.

He braced himself for the beating he knew was coming but Sasha surprised him and pulled Aleks into his lap then held him to his chest in a steel grip. For several moments, they stayed like that, Aleks struggling to get loose, Sasha struggling to keep him tight against him both of them panting like they were running laps back in Basic.

"Let _me_ go!" Aleks begged weakly not having the strength to fight him any longer. "Nyet, myshonok." Sasha shook his head and held him tighter. Suddenly all the fight in him was gone and Aleks crumpled, boneless against his chest.

"You _left_ me, you _forgot_ me!" Aleks wailed, his heart broken. "I _needed_ you and you weren't...there! I'm so _alone_!"

Sasha sighed raggedly; it was all true. He _had_ forgotten Aleks. It wasn't Aleks’ fault; all the blame lied on Sasha's shoulders. He felt weighed down by the pain he had caused; his heart was so fucking heavy. Aleks' presence cemented what he really believed himself to be; no good colony trash. He had no right to think he might deserve someone good and kind like Ethan. In trying to be something that he wasn't, he had hurt Ethan as well as Aleks. The truth was that he didn't go looking for Aleks because he thought if Ethan knew what his childhood was really like, what he had endured, how he had survived, that clean, pure Ethan would be so disgusted, he would run away from him as fast as he could. Sasha didn't just fear that he couldn't live his life without Ethan; he feared there was no reason to live at all without him. If Ethan and he were to have a future he would have to come to terms with his past and his past was now in his lap, weeping wretchedly.

Sasha sighed deeply, determined to try to put right what he had screwed up and pressed his lips into Aleks’ neck as he gently crooned to him. "I didn't mean to hurt you, myshonok, I really didn't mean to."

"I hate you!" Aleks sobbed like a little child. Sasha let him turn in his arms as the tears flowed and hide his face in Sasha's shirt.

"I had no idea until a few months ago that you were here. Aleks, I thought you had gone home to your father." Sasha shook with the force of Aleks' sobs, muffled by his shirt.

"You don't fucking _care_ about me, Sasha! You would have never looked for me if Ethan's father hadn't told you I was here!" Aleks turned his sad grey eyes; filled with tears and accusations around to face Sasha.

"You're right, myshonok." Sasha took a deep breath then said grimly. "I should have looked for you. I should have known you would follow me. I was scared, Aleks, I was scared I would lose Ethan. I was selfish and scared." Sasha kissed Aleks' black hair. "I'm sorry, myshonok, you didn't fucking deserve that. I'm so sorry."

Aleks was inconsolable. Sasha just held him close, rocking him like a child and let him weep it out. Finally Sasha heard the door being unlocked and Ethan let himself into the condo. He took one look at the scene before him, dropped the box in his hand on the counter and hurried to the couch. Sasha shook his head discouraging him from coming any closer so Ethan sat himself down on the edge of the coffee table. Sasha murmur softly in what sounded to Ethan like colony russian in Aleks ear as he held him close. Ethan was stunned at the dry blood on Sasha's shirt where it had dripped from his face. Ethan motioned to him with concerned but Sasha mouthed that he was ok. He reached out to grasp Ethan's hand.

Eventually Aleks calmed and grew quiet. He slowly pushed himself away from Sasha and wiped his face on the back of his hand. Ethan let go of Sasha's hand got up and grabbed a box of tissues from an end table. He pulled a couple of them out and offered them to Aleks who leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. He handed one to Sasha who wiped at his face then crossed the room to the front bathroom to wash his face, Ethan assumed.

"Aleks? Hey, Aleks?" Ethan gently questioned him. "You two ok?" Aleks didn't raise his head, just shook it, no.

"I hit Sasha." He whispered with apprehension, not sure how Ethan would react.

"I can see that." Ethan agreed as he rubbed Aleks back.

The door from the bathroom opened and Sasha walked into the kitchen. "I need some fucking coffee," he muttered. Ethan patted Aleks’ back then stood up. He went into the kitchen and firmly pushed Sasha towards a stool. "Sit down, Sash, I'll make some fresh for you."

Then he reached up to Sasha's face and tenderly traced a bruise coming to the surface along his jaw. Ethan looked deep into Sasha's brown eyes and whispered, "I'm proud of you, Sash."

"Tch, what the fuck for?” Sasha hissed in pain as Ethan's fingers ghosted across his split lips. Ethan kissed his fingertips then touched them to Sasha's swollen lips.

"Because you are a good man. I love you."

Sasha caught his wrist and kissed Ethan's fingers back. Ethan nodded his head towards where Aleks was sitting still sniffling. Sasha stood up, padded across the room, sat next to him, and wrapped his arms around him.

"Aleks, baby, come join us. Its going to be ok, I promise." he said softly pressing into Aleks' ear. "Let Ethan will make you some more tea. You need to eat something too." Aleks turned, laid his head on Sasha's chest and said quietly, "I'm sorry, Sasha."

Sasha carefully pushed him back by his arms and said, "Aleks look at me, baby." Aleks bit his lip; he was so near tears again as he raised his grey eyes to Sasha's. "This is my fault, Aleks, all _my_ fault. You didn't do anything wrong, not a damn thing. I'm a fucking, selfish ass. You know that; he knows that." Sasha nodded in Ethan's direction. "I can't change what happened, I can't change what I put you through, but I am truly sorry, myshonok." Aleks wrapped his arms around Sasha's waist and clung to him until Ethan called to them from the kitchen.

"Come on you two, coffee and tea is ready and I have donuts that need to be eaten."

Sasha stood up; pulled Aleks to his feet and took his hand. "You are fucking stronger than you look, myshonok, I think you broke my damn face." he complained as he led Aleks across the room.

Ethan placed coffee in front of Sasha and set steaming tea in front of Aleks as they sat down at the breakfast bar. "Do you remember the first time I met your father?" Sasha asked looking at the box of pastries then up at Aleks. "I remember Nana didn't like you much." Aleks answered, nodding his head.

"It was the first time you brought me home. Do you remember?" Sasha asked wistfully. "I got up before you; your nana brought you some chocolate pastries. He gave me his."

Sasha turned to Ethan, his voice sad. "His father was right; he should have stayed the fuck away from me. Your's is right, too, princess. You really should pay attention." Ethan frowned at him, all these years and everything they had been through together and Sasha still believed he didn't belong in his life.

Aleks shuddered as he brought the scalding tea to his mouth. "When I realized you were here but hadn’t come for me, I wanted to die." The words hung in the room with an uneasy silence. Aleks looked up at Sasha, waiting for him to acknowledge him, to acknowledge anything. Sasha reached towards him and Aleks instinctually flinched. Pain crossed Sasha's face; he frowned but gently brushed back Aleks hair from his eyes.

"Look, princess over there keeps telling me that I'm not as much of a fucking asshole as I was, but I still fuck things up all the time. There's nothing I can say that will change what I did to you. But, I _am_ sorry. I should have done things differently." Sasha pushed back his desire to run from the room and tried to be as honest as he could. "I don't expect you to fucking forgive me, Aleks, but I want you to know that I _know_ you deserve better. I...am so sorry, myshonok."

Aleks wasn't sure how to react to this Sasha. Ethan's influence was apparent; Sasha seemed genuine in his contriteness. This was not the broken boy he once knew or the sadistic fighter that the Alliance created. This was a man who was vulnerable; who admitted his faults. This man needed forgiveness. However, this Sasha had everything Aleks didn't have; a loving partner, a beautiful home and a good life. Even so, Sasha’s beautiful face was stricken with deep sadness. He looked weary as if the weight of the world rested across his shoulders.

Aleks found himself sliding off the stool to stand close to Sasha. He reached out to touch him, Sasha glanced across the kitchen to Ethan who nodded and smiled at him. Aleks hesitantly put his arms around Sasha's waist as Sasha slipped off his stood then pulled Aleks to him then hugged him close.

"Yabudu vsejda lyubit' tebya."* Aleks whispered tearfully.

"Tch, baby, you have to understand that me...and princess over there," Sasha nodded his head at Ethan, "we're getting married, if he still wants me."

"I know; I just don't want to hurt anymore, Sasha." Aleks said wearily leaning into Sasha as Sasha ran his fingers through Aleks black hair, longer than it had been when they were Cain and Deimos. That seemed so long ago, Sasha mused.

"Aleks, if I can find someone who will put up with me, I know there is someone out there waiting for you to walk into their life. Someone your father can be proud of and somebody who will treat you right," Sasha leaned close to his ear and whispered. "like you deserve."

Ethan walked around the breakfast bar and hung his arm over Aleks shoulder. "Aleks, we have all the time in the world to figure that out, right now, I really want you to eat something. Then we need to get ready to meet your father. I imagine he'll be happy to see you." Aleks nodded his head in agreement. "Aleks, your father's flight will be here in two hours. He'll be taken by ambulance straight to the hospital. My doctor will meet us there to introduce you and your father to the oncologist that will be treating him." Ethan glanced up at him. "Are you ready for this?"

"You won't be alone, myshonok, even if your Nana hates my fucking guts, we'll be right there with you." Sasha declared, gingerly rubbing his purpling jaw. "I owe you at least that much."

　

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *"I will always love you."


	11. Chapter 11

"Little man, you are too skinny." Aleks could feel his father's bony calloused fingers patting at his head, weaving through his black locks. He raised his head from the edge of the hospital bed his father was laying in and smiled broadly at his father. "I'll eat more, I promise, Nana." The room was dim, lit only by the myriad of colored lights on the monitors his father was hooked up to. Across the main monitor Aleks could see his father’s blood pressure and heart rate. He wasn't sure what the other lines on the monitor screens were but every time they dipped he held his breath.

Aleks' father smiled back at him. Aleks sat up in the chair he had scooted over to the bed when he couldn't keep his eyes open any longer, rolling his shoulders and twisting his neck side to side popping the joints. "Not the most comfortable way to nap, Aleks, you should go home and get a proper rest," his father admonished him, grinning at him all the while. "When do you have to clock in at work?"

"Nana, don't worry about my job, they gave me time off to take care of you," Aleks flushed at the lie like a little boy afraid he would be caught fibbing. "Did you get some rest, Nana? It was such a long trip. Are you ok?" His father had dozed off shortly after being settled in the room. When Ethan had gone out in the hallway to sit with Sasha; Aleks had fallen asleep too.

Aleks' father shifted in the unfamiliar bed as he patted Aleks' hand. "I am just fine, son. I told you I was fine, you didn't need to spend your money on me."

Aleks thought back over the last few hours since his father had been rushed from the transport to the medical center by ambulance then settled in the large hospital room. When he first saw his father's grey bloodless face, gaunt as the disease in his lungs ate its way through his body, he had to rush into the first bathroom he could find. Sasha had held his hair out of the way as he threw up what little was in his stomach and wept out the guilt that cut him into ribbons. Sasha washed his face, made him rinse out his mouth and straightened his shirt before shoving him back out into the hospital hallway. "Get it together, myshonok, you can fucking fall apart later when he's settled in. Right now he needs you to be strong for him." Sasha had opened the door to the hospital room that Aleks’ father had been put into and pushed him into the room, then closed the door behind him.

Ethan had been fussing with a pillow behind Aleks' father's back and adjusting the bed. "Is that better, Mr. Ruzinsky?" he asked, concerned. "Oh, there's Aleks now," Ethan said, while mouthing, "You ok?" so that his father would not see.

“Your friend is very nice,” Aleks' father said in his colony dialect so that Ethan wouldn’t understand what he was saying to Aleks. “Is he... _more_ than a friend, Aleks?” Ethan looked from Aleks' father to Aleks confused as they spoke between them. He could only understand a few familiar words because they spoke so rapidly between them. Aleks laughed a little, shook his head, and answered, “Nyet, Nana!”

“No, what?” Ethan asked. Aleks’ face blushed furiously red.

"I was wondering if you might be..." Aleks’ father offered in English.

“It's nothing!” Aleks interrupted his father before he could say anything further.

“Well, obviously, it was,” Ethan snorted. “Your face is bright red!" Both of them turned when Aleks' father laughed a little and then coughed viciously, bent over and grasping the bedrail as deep wet coughs shook his body. Aleks' eyes grew huge as Ethan handed him a wad of tissues and motioned to Aleks' father. Aleks held them to his father's mouth and turned pale when they came away bloody.

"Nana!" Aleks cried out as Ethan handed him a small pan and a wet cloth. Aleks could do nothing but rub at his father's back hoping to calm the spasms that shook his slight frame. His father was half the man he had left before the war; Aleks could see his ribs as the hospital gown opened across his back. Panicked, he looked up at Ethan beseechingly. "Should we get the nurse?" he said. However, before they could decide, his father caught his breath and slowly sat up, wiping the blood splatters from his mouth and chin.

Ethan offered him a cup of water, bending the straw so that Aleks' father could reach it easily then took the little basin away after he rinsed the remaining blood from his mouth and spit it into it. Aleks bit his lip, not wanting to cry like a little child in front of his father. "Better, Nana?" he cautiously asked, unable to stop shaking.

"I'm all right, little man," his father whispered, leaning back on the pillows propping him up, as he closed his eyes. It wasn't more than a few moments before they had realized he had fallen asleep. He and Ethan had watched the sick man sleep for a while then Ethan got up, stretched and whispered, "I'm going to go keep Sash company, I'll be back." Aleks listened to his father's rough breathing, sucking in his breath every time his father paused for a second or two. Finally, he had scooted the chair close to the side of the bed, laid his head down and slept too.

A nurse came in, turned up the light and cheerfully chattered as she checked the monitors, and took vitals. As she left the room, Ethan came back in. "I checked on Dr. Drake and she's making rounds but will be here soon." he offered, then asked. "Can I get you some water, Mr. Ruzinsky? Or another pillow?"

Before he could answer the door swung open and startled them all as a short round older woman, white hair pulled back in a long ponytail tied neatly at the base of her neck, let herself into the room. She was wearing a long white coat, glasses that slipped down her nose and a broad smile on her face.

"Ethan, good to see you again! Would you like to introduce me to our guest?" she asked brightly.

Ethan moved towards her and hugged her tightly, "Good to see you, too! Thank you for arranging everything, Barbara, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it," he said as he turned towards Aleks' father.

"Mr. Ruzinsky, please allow me to introduce Dr. Barbara Drake, my family's personal physician. Doctor, this is Mr. Ruzinsky. And this is Aleks, his son. I served with Aleks in the Alliance."

The physician leaned over the bed, warmly grasped Aleks' father’s hand and gently squeezed it. "It's very nice to meet you, Mr. Ruzinsky, I'm sorry you are not feeling well."

"I am honored to meet you, Doctor. I'm a little under the weather but I'm sure with the help of such a beautiful Lady Doctor," he responded, "I'll be just fine very soon."

The room went silent and Aleks felt his ears go red again, looking from the physician to his father who had sat up straighter as he flirted shamelessly, holding the doctor's hand in his; waiting just a little to long to release it.

"Well, Mr. Ruzinsky, you certainly know how to charm a girl, don't you? I'll certainly do my best!" Dr. Drake patted his hand as she slowly drew hers back. She smiled kindly at him, sat down in the chair next to the bed and said. "So, your son is a war hero. You must be very proud of him!"

Aleks' father's face blushed faintly with the first healthy color they had seen. He smiled at Aleks, and then shook his head, "yes". "I am very proud of my son, no matter what he does. He's always been a good boy."

"Nana, I'm a grown man!" Aleks declared, embarrassed.

The doctor turned to Aleks and said, "Nice to meet you as well, Aleks. Son, you are always going to be a sweet baby in your parent's heart, no matter how grown up you thinks you are."

Ethan laughed at Dr. Drake's gentle admonishment. He reached over, took Aleks' hand, and pulled him to the door. "How about we go get something to drink and leave these two alone for a while?"

"Shouldn't I be here? Is it alright?" Aleks asked anxiously but Dr. Drake shook her head "no".

"I'll want you to be here when the oncologist comes in to discuss treatment options. You will need to help your father make the best decisions for himself," she went on. "Right now I need to chat with Mr. Ruzinsky, get his history and get to know him a little." She turned back to Aleks' father and gave him a little wink. "Is that all right with you, Mr. Ruzinsky?"

Aleks' father smoothed out his blanket and smiled in such a way that Aleks was almost fooled into thinking things were not as bad as he thought. Then he glanced at the bloody tissues that had been thrown in the trash and asked, his voice catching, "Nana, is that ok with you?" Aleks' father waved at him, grinning weakly, "Go on, little man, I think I'd like to get to know the lovely Lady Doctor a bit more."

"Come on, Aleks, let's give them some privacy!" Ethan smirked as he pulled Aleks out of the room and closed the door behind them.

"I think your father is flirting with my doctor!" Ethan laughed as they walked down the hallway towards where Sasha waited.

It was Sasha who had decided that he would wait in the corridor outside of the room Aleks' father was in. Aleks protested but Sasha had not given him any choice. "Tch, your father fucking hates me. This is the way it's going to be, myshonok."

Sasha stood and walked the last few steps towards them then pulled Ethan to him and kissed him soundly. He turned to Aleks and hugged him. "You ok, myshonok?"

Ethan answered for Aleks, "He's doing fine. We left so Dr. Drake could talk to his father. I thought we could get something to eat, I'm starving! The cafeteria here is good, if I remember right."

Sasha nodded enthusiastically, took Ethan's hand and slung his arm around Aleks. He moved them towards the elevator, "I remember there are a lot of fucking sexy nurses."

Ethan reached up behind his head and popped it with his fingers, "Down boy!" Sasha snorted and hit the lift panel.

"My mother was here last year for some testing," Ethan explained to Aleks as they entered the lift and hit the button for the cafeteria. "Sasha was a complete pig!" Sasha snorted.

"Come on, princess, even you thought they were fucking hotness and you are completely all about the dick!"

Ethan blushed and hit Sasha a little harder on the back of his head then glared at him. "Idiot."

Aleks looked from one to the other, Ethan pretending affront, Sasha teasing him while firmly holding his hand. They were so much in love, Aleks realized. Ashamed he looked away from them. He wasn't sure he was strong enough to fight the wave of jealousy that washed over him unexpectantly.

Ethan noticed the flush of color across Aleks' face, reached up and brushed at his hair, "This has to be hard for you." Aleks gave Ethan a pained look. Ethan glanced at Sasha with concern.

Sasha stepped into the doorway of the elevator; held it open so that Ethan and Aleks could exit. "Princess, why don't you go ahead and see what's on the menu," Sasha patted him on his ass, with a grin. "We'll be right there." Ethan pursed his lips at Sasha and walked into the room shaking his head. Sasha put his arm around Aleks shoulders and pulled him down a little hallway.

"Myshonok?"

Aleks stared down at the floor his face red with embarrassment.

Sasha blew out a sigh, leaned back against the wall, and muttered, "We forget ourselves sometimes."

Aleks felt sick. Ethan had been more than kind to him but his and Sasha’s playfulness made him ache with want. Sadly, he whispered, "Ethan is a really good person, Sasha. I understand why you want him. He's so... _different_ than me."

Sasha turned to face Aleks and pulled him into his arms. "There's _nothing_ wrong with you, Aleks! It's me; it's always fucking been me!" Sasha pressed a kiss to the top of Aleks' head. "I have no fucking idea why he bothered with me in the first place, and I sure as shit don't know why he's kept me around. But you're right; I do want to be with him. But not because you aren't good enough," Sasha grasped Aleks’ arms and pushed him back so he could look into his eyes. "You are fucking good enough, Myshonok, you always have been!"

Aleks saw sincerity in Sasha's eyes, a sincerity he didn't know Sasha was capable of. He didn't love Sasha any less, but he was coming to understand that there was something good between Ethan and Sasha, something that there never was or would be between Sasha and him. It still made him sad.

Maybe he could live with that.

Aleks sighed and leaned back into Sasha's arms for a few moments. Both of them jumped when Ethan turned around the corner and cocked his head at them. "Ok, you two, they have meatloaf or something that looks like meatloaf; come on now."

Sasha stayed where he was, arms still around Aleks, holding him close with his chin resting on his head. Aleks froze, feeling guilty. "Mashed potatoes?" Sasha asked casually, purposefully keeping Aleks close to him.

Ethan put out his hand to Aleks, who hesitated then took it. "Yes, now come on you two. I'm starving." Sasha trailed behind as Ethan pulled Aleks out of his embrace then into the cafeteria.

"That was actually fucking awesome," Sasha exclaimed as he pushed back his chair then leaned it back on the back two legs. Ethan leaned over and whispered to Aleks, loud enough for Sasha to hear, "Ten to one he falls over backwards." Aleks glanced at Sasha precariously balancing and laughed despite himself.

Sasha snarled at Aleks, then teasingly said to Ethan, "If I fall on my ass, you'll fucking kiss it to make it all better, hmm, princess?"

"Pfft, fucking fat chance that's happening," Ethan dismissed him sarcastically. Aleks tried to stop laughing aloud.

Sasha snorted, "Tch. Bitch."

Aleks' phone startled them as it went off. By the time he fumbled it out of his pocket, he had missed the call. His forehead furrowed as he listened to the message. "The Doctor says we should come back to the room now, the specialist is there."

"Ok, then I'll pick this up; you two go on ahead. I'll be out in the hall. Baby just let me know what‘s going on." Sasha directed as he stood up and started to gather their trash and trays.

Aleks' hesitated; he felt like he couldn't move. Sasha took his face in his hands and gruffly ordered, "Get your ass in gear, Aleks. Your father doesn't need a fucking pansy shivering in his boots; he needs you to be strong for him. You can do that. You can fucking fall apart later when we get home, but right now, you need to man the fuck up. Princess, take him back to the room, I'll be right there."

Ethan nodded at Sasha then firmly grasped Aleks' hand and pulled him away from the table then out the door towards the elevator. They road in silence until the doors opened.

When they entered the room they found that Aleks' father was sitting up straighter then when they left and seemed more animated; he even had some color in his cheeks. He looked relieved as they came into the room and he reached out for Aleks' hand. The room had gotten a bit tight with all the equipment and the growing group of bodies filling up the space but Aleks made his way to his father's bedside. He reached down and kissed his father on the cheek and took his hand to reassure him. "Kak dela, Nana?"* He asked. His father squeezed back and said "I'm good, little man."

Dr. Drake sat in a chair at the side of the room while a second person, the specialist, Aleks assumed, sat on a stool pulled close to the other side of the bed.

"Aleks, Ethan, please allow me to introduce Dr. Kurakin, he's the oncologist we spoke of," Dr. Drake said as she introduced the specialist. "He will be responsible for your father's treatment, Aleks."

At first Aleks didn’t noticed the sleek black hair that was gathered at the nape of his neck but as the doctor rose and turned towards him, Aleks sucked in his breath and held it. Dr Kurakin had big eyes with long lush lashes, the irises almost black. Aleks thought they glittered in the hospital light as if he was amused. His dark skin and skinny frame revealed his heritage. He was obviously colony born; probably a Russian gypsy like Sasha. In a different place, at a different time, Aleks would have felt the tug of attraction. However, here, in his fathers' hospital room sudden dread sucked the air from his lungs. He had no strength to react to the strong hand thrust towards him.

"I am Dr Kurakin. It's nice too meet you, Mr. Ruzinsky." His voice was smooth and deep, all velvet smoke. Aleks couldn't force himself to respond. He could only stare at the hand offered but he couldn't bring himself to take it.

"But you are..." Aleks stammered, floundering with his disbelief. Everyone in the room held their breath, silent, waiting for Aleks to respond.

"Not what you expected?" Dr. Kurakin questioned as he met Aleks’ eyes.

Aleks turned to Dr. Drake, confused and angry and demanded harshly. "Is this some sort of trick?"

"Aleks!" his father hissed at him, appalled at Aleks' outburst.

Aleks just stared at his father. "I'm sorry Nana, I wanted to help you," he turned to Ethan in disbelief. "I thought you underst...I trusted you. What a fucking idiot I am!" Aleks shouted as he turned and ran from the room.

Ethan, astounded, looked at Aleks' father for some sort of explanation, asking, "What just happened?" 

"Please excuse my son's disrespect, Doctor!" Ashamed, Aleks' father pleaded with the young man at his side. Dr. Kurakin reached for the older man's hand and patted it to soothe him. "Pozhaluysta, ni bispakOytis’." *

"Please excuse me, I will be right back," the oncologist said as he rose from his stool and hurried to the door.

Sasha was surprised to see Aleks flee from the room and as he tried to rush by, Sasha grabbed him by the arm and demanded, "What, Aleks? What fucking happened?"

Aleks couldn't answer. He wanted to howl out his pain but couldn't find his voice. He had been through so much, been given so much hope. When he saw the colonist sitting next to his father, wearing a doctors white coat, he was sure he had been tricked. His father's chance of survival had just dissolved in a heartbeat. He should have not listened to Ethan; he should have let Sasha take the fall. His father deserved better than some fucking colonist fraud pretending to be a doctor. He felt like he'd been ambushed by people who thought he was too stupid to know better. His father should have just stayed home and not suffered the trip to Earth; at least he would have died in his own bed. Aleks felt like a fool for letting his guard down; for trusting them. He knew better; you couldn’t trust people from Earth, they all learned that as children on the colonies.

Dr. Kurakin followed him out into the hall surprised to see a man gripping Aleks by the arm. Sasha looked up and snarled at the colonist wearing a doctor's coat as he came towards them. Dr. Kurakin heeded the unorthodox warning and stopped in his tracks.

"Mr. Ruzinsky, please let me explain!" he insisted as he kept just out of Sasha's reach. Instinct told him to not get closer to Sasha. "Please listen to me. I can help your father, I promise."

Sasha pulled Aleks protectively behind him then turned on the physician. "Who the fuck _are_ you?" Sasha growled angrily.

Dr. Kurakin nervously took a step back. He knew from his aggressive stance that this colonist, like himself, grew up trying to survive any way he could. He knew Aleks had been an Alliance fighter, and he would assume this one had been too. "I’m Dr. Kurakin, I’m the oncology specialist that has been brought in to treat Mr. Ruzinsky's father."

Sasha snorted in disbelief, "You look like fucking gypsy trash! A fucking white coat doesn‘t make you a doctor! Blatya!*”

The doctor didn't take the bait but instead, ignored him. Trust had to be earned where they came from, he didn't just expect it like some entitled Earth dweller. He also knew better than to show fear if he wanted to convince Aleks. If he exposed his throat to them, they would rip it out.

“I was chosen for an exchange program that this teaching hospital sponsors. They choose promising medical interns from the colonies and bring us here to train among them. They thought I had potential but I'm not the only one, there are several of us. I've been here for four years, I go back home next year when I complete my residency," he said all in one breath, hoping to catch Aleks' attention. "It's an opportunity to learn things we have no chance of learning in the colonies. I'll be able to save people; that's what I want to do, that's why I jumped at a chance to get real training and real skills."

Sasha out right laughed then, "Why would you want to fucking save people so they can live in fucking misery or die of starvation if someone doesn't kill them first? Sounds like you swallowed some fucking bullshit propaganda." 

Doctor Kurakin bristled and narrowed his eyes. He looked Sasha up and down, curled his lip and demanded. "Who the fuck are you to decide that our people don't deserve any chance they can get?"

Aleks moved himself in front of Sasha. "Please, Sasha," he whispered.

"Tch, whatever the fuck," Sasha spit out angrily and flopped down on the bench.

The physician, aware he had won this battle, continued to try to bring Aleks around. "Mr. Ruzinsky, no matter what you think of me, let me assure you; I can help your father. However, I need to explain the treatment I am proposing so that we can agree and get it started tomorrow. Your father is very sick, we cannot waste more time."

Aleks contemplated the earnest young man. He was confused but he felt like wanted to believe him. "Why you? Why not an Earth doctor?" he asked, "Or don't they want to dirty their hands?"

Dr. Kurakin shrugged his shoulders, "Look. I promise you, I'm a good doctor. I can help your father." He softened his voice as he pleaded, "I _want_ to help your father." Aleks blinked back tears, wanting to trust him but afraid making it worse for his father.

Finally, Sasha made the decision for him. "Myshonok, you've got nothing to fucking lose. Who knows, maybe he learned something useful while he was bending over for them."

(How are you, papa?)*

(Please, do not worry.)*

(Fuck you)*　

***

It was late in the night, his father had drifted off an hour ago and so had Ethan. Aleks was having trouble keeping his eyes open. The doctors were long gone, having explained the treatment to Aleks and his father and obtained their consent. Aleks cocked his head as Sasha opened the door a bit hesitating to come in until he was sure that Aleks' father was sound asleep. Sasha shook Ethan gently, handed him his jacket, then grasped Aleks' hand and pulled him from the chair next to his father's bed.

"I should stay, he'll wake up and I won't be here," he protested glancing, worried, at his father's sleeping form. Sasha handed him his jacket anyway.

"You told him you were going home when he fell asleep, right?" Ethan groggily whispered. Aleks nodded. "Then we all need to get some sleep. It's late and it's been a long day. You'll need some strength tomorrow."

Aleks let himself be pushed along, out into the hall, down the elevator and into the parking garage, Sasha's fingers at his waist and his hand in Ethan's. Sasha drove while Ethan and Aleks dozed in the car on the way home. Once they were in the condo Aleks threw himself across the guestroom bed too exhausted to even remove his clothes. He was asleep instantly; even his dreams of onyx eyes did not disturb him.

Sasha groaned as he lay back, finally in their bed. Ethan padded from the bath, turned off the lights, and crawled into bed. He turned over to Sasha and curled around him.

"You're naked," Sasha said, breaking the silence of the room.

"Uh huh," Ethan murmured snaking his arm across Sasha's chest, curling his long, fine boned fingers around his side.

"I can't fucking move, baby," Sasha whispered as he settled into the bed, held tight by his lovers grip.

"Uh huh," Ethan muttered settling closer. Sasha sighed, his eyes heavy, closing in sleep, following Ethan who was already gently snoring.

　

***

The days, then weeks, ahead blurred into a pattern of caring for his father.

Aleks spent every day with his father, holding his hand as poison dripped into his body to kill the mutated cells that threatened to end his life. He held his fathers head as his body reacted to the medication and he retched until Aleks thought that perhaps death was easier than listening to his father cry from the pain of the spasms in his gut. He wiped his father's brow as fever took over and they had to treat the pneumonia that settled in his damaged lungs. Aleks removed his blankets when his father seemed to be on fire, sweat pouring off of him, and then covered him again when the gaunt frame of the once robust man shook so hard that Aleks thought he would surely break apart. Ethan or Sasha dropped him off at the hospital every morning that he didn't stay over night. He was often terrified to leave his father's side. Dr. Drake stopped by most mornings before the treatments started, flirting shamelessly with Aleks' father and shooing Aleks out the door so they could have "alone time" which allowed Aleks to run down to the cafeteria for a big cup of hot tea to keep him warm in the cooled treatment room. Aleks' father would ask Aleks to comb his hair, until the hair fell out in clumps. His father would struggle to sit up tall, greeting the "beautiful Lady Doctor" as he insisted on calling her. His face would be plastered with a mischievous grin on his face and he would act like it was just some other normal day and he was courting an enchanting woman. Aleks loved this time the best and was grateful for the physician's encouraging company. She would fuss over his father, plumping his pillow and letting him hold her hand.

Aleks was bone weary. The stress of the treatment wore him to a frazzle. The daily battle to stay strong for his father was worse than any physical training in Basic or during his service even on the Sleipnir before the great battle. When he couldn't take anymore he would hide himself in the small bath down the hall and run the water so no one could hear him weep until he vomited. Dr. Kurakin was patient and gentle with his father, explaining everything so that his father would not get frightened at his body's reactions to the medication. The colony doctor was there in the morning to move Aleks' father down to the treatment room. He started the IV's himself, apologizing profusely if he blew a vein. He even helped clean the frail man after an unexpected accident, being gentle and respectful at all times. Mr. Ruzinsky seemed to respond well as the young doctor talked to him in their native colony dialect.

When his father napped, Dr. Kurakin would take Aleks to the doctor's lounge or if it was nice out, to a little garden attached to the hospital. He would share a sandwich and make him eat something. Aleks was skinny to begin with, but as he worried for his father, he lost even more weight. Dr. Kurakin fretted over him, worried that Aleks would be his next patient. One evening, almost three weeks into the treatment, Dr. Drake stopped by the hospital room on her way home. She brought a cup of ice cream, one of the only things Aleks' father had been able to keep down. As his father and Dr. Drake chatted, Dr. Kurakin drew Aleks out of the room. They walked together down to the ground level where they sat on one the garden benches.

"I wanted to tell you that your father is doing very well, his numbers get better and better every day. I'm pleased with his progress."

Aleks beamed happily at him, "That's wonderful! I'm so relieved to hear that! I thought he was acting stronger and his color is better but I wasn't sure that it wasn't just wishful thinking."

Dr. Kurakin went on a grin across his face. "He's responding to the treatment. I don't want to jump the gun, but Mr. Ruzinsky; I think your father is going to make it. A few more days will tell us for sure."

The doctor sounded excited, Aleks thought. Suddenly as he sat next to this handsome man the formality between them felt strange. As he looked deep into the onyx eyes of the earnest young man it occurred to Aleks that he didn't want that distance between them any more.

"Aleks. Please, call me Aleks," Aleks offered shyly, lost in the warmth and generous spirit that was Dr. Kurakin.

The young doctor stood then bowed slightly, extending his hand to Aleks. "Nice to meet you Aleks, I'm Piotr."

　

　

　

　

　

　

 

　


End file.
